تكملة رواية شمس منتصف الليل بالانجليزيه حصريا لروايتى*مكتمله برابط للتحميل*

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مساء الخير على احلى عضوات
كتير سأل عن تكملة رواية شمس منتصف الليل للكاتبة ستيفانى ماير وكلنا ترقبنا التكملة
اليوم اضع بين ايديكم الرواية وقد اخيرااا تمت تكملة الرواية باللغة الانجليزيه على ان نعدكم بترجمتها قريبا بإذن الله عن طريق مترجمات قسم ستيفانى ماير المبدعين
الروايه قام بتكملتها الكاتب PA Lassiter

صورة الغلاف



لمحبى الرواية بلغتها الاساسيه اليكم الفصول بالانجيليزيه
Midnight Sun, Part II
للقراءة
.
.

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[مورا اسامة]

Midnight Sun, Part II
It was well after midnight when I found myself slipping through Bella’s window. This was
becoming a habit that, in the light of day, I knew I should attempt to
curb. But after
nighttime fell and I had hunted
for though these visits might be irresponsible, I was
determined they not be reckless

all of my resolve quickly faded.
There she lay, the sheet and blanket coiled around her restless body, her feet bound
up o
utside the covers. I inhaled deeply through my nose, welcoming the searing pain that
coursed down my throat. As always, Bella’s bedroom was warm and humid and saturated
with her scent. Venom flowed into my mouth and my muscles tensed in readiness. But for
what? Could I ever train my body to give up this devilish reaction to my beloved’s smell? I
feared not.
Cautiously, I held my breath and moved to her bedside. I untangled the bedclothes
and spread them carefully over her again. She twitched suddenly, her l
egs scissoring as she
rolled to her other side. I froze.
“Edward,” she breathed. “Please.”
The thrill of hearing her call my name had not diminished. If only I could know
what she wished of me. I would do almost anything to give her what she wanted.
My
fingers burned at the memory of touching her skin. The sensation flashed up my
arm and across my chest, causing me to inhale sharply. The breath carried the electric burn
through my midsection and lower, spreading downward in a rush.
Aaahhh
...the pain, the p
leasure...a confusing mixture. Hastily, I retreated to the
corner rocking chair to calm myself. A new level of urgency had been unleashed in my
body. The electrical charge between Bella and myself continued to awaken my dormant
human side.
Our plans for Sat
urday began to seem more and more reckless as I measured my
growing desires against Alice’s visions. How selfish would I prove to be when I had Bella
alone, with no witnesses to curb my appetites? It was a mistake, a huge mistake, even to
consider pursuing
this path

it was taunting the monster.
Bella’s breath quickened and she spoke, “I’m okay...miss you.” The endless
rain drummed on the roof. Neither of us was at peace tonight.
As usual, the hours passed like minutes as I sat, fascinated, watching her eyel
ids
flutter, her hands twitch, her feet kick. I heard my name several times, but the context was
unclear. Once she softly said, “Perfect,” and I longed to know her dream.
As dawn approached, Bella seemed to relax and settle. I tread silently to her
bedside
, tidied her covers, then carefully...so carefully...pulled a wayward lock of hair
away from her eyes and smoothed it behind her ear. Resisting the urge to stroke her creamy
white cheek, I thrust my restless hands into the pockets of my trousers and stepped ba
ck.
Recalling an earlier curiosity, I knelt on the floor and examined the stack of books
lying near her bed. Bronte’s
Wuthering Heights,
a trio of Shakespeare’s plays, the
compendium of Jane Austen novels which had frustrated her that afternoon outside, a
book
of Flannery O’Connor short stories, and Faulkner’s
The Sound and the Fury.
I reco
gnized
several titles from the j
unior’s English reading list, but noted the others she had collected.
She seemed to prefer classic authors closer to my era than her own.
I shuffled through a
stack of CDs sitting on her bedside table, smiling to learn we had
musical, as well as

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P.A. Lassiter
Twilight: The Missing Pieces

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Midnight Sun, Part II
267
P.A. Lassiter
Twilight: The Missing Pieces
night.
Oops, don’t startle her.
I slowed my hand, but allowed myself to smooth her hair
behind her shoulder, unveiling her face. Her tantalizing scent wafted through the close air.
I inhaled deeply and flinched at the
scorching of my throat.
At Forks High School, I pulled the Volvo into an empty space and turned off the
engine. “What music is
in your CD player right now?” My question was disingenuous
,
since I’d pee
ked
last night.
She named the hard
–
rock CD I played whe
never I needed to blast away my own
thoughts or those of others around me. On that awful afternoon, back from Alaska, when
I’d fled
biology
class to escape the temptation of Bella’s blood, I had huddled in my car
blasting this CD to drown out the monster.
I wondered if Bella had been drowning out
demons of her own

this music was so different from anything else she owned. I pulled
my copy of the CD from under my seat and smiled at her, hoping she might comment on
the coincidence.
“Debussy to this?” I questio
ned, but Bella kept her thoughts to herself as we exited
the car and walked to class.
Time had begun to feel short. It was impossible to see how we could move forward
together with Bella under constant threat. Not only did she risk her life every time she
was
with me, but she also risked her chance for a normal human life by entangling herself with
mine. I couldn’t give her what she deserved and I so easily could take away everything.
But I was hopelessly smitten. I could not stop myself from walking this
treacherous
path. I hoped (and feared) that we would soon get our answer, perhaps as early as
Saturday. Either we would find some way to move forward, at least for a while, or this
relationship would end, perhaps badly. It all depended on my ability to co
ntrol my basest,
and most powerful, inclinations.
There was so much I wanted to know and only two more days to get answers before
things surely would change. Setting to the task, I started by asking about the movies and
books she loved and those she disli
ked, the stories serving as shorthand for her views on
real
–
world themes. She showed a preference for stories with strong female characters,
those who wanted to control their own destinies, and stories with strong moral messages,
though her morality didn’t
seem to follow any traditional set of beliefs that I could identify.
She also
seemed to favor themes of self
–
determination and struggle against stultifying
realities. She loved
Romeo & Juliet
, though that couple foolishly perished in their attempt
to defy
societal rules. I already knew that Bella was a good person, brave, self
–
sacrificing,
and kind, but she inexplicably loved
Wuthering Heights
, whose characters embodied the
opposite traits.
I asked her about her preferences in food, flowers, friends, scho
ol subjects, and
vacation destinations. I inquired about her favorite teachers, sports, gemstones, and scents.
The latter three topics each drew a blush to her face and her subsequent silences tormented
me. I couldn’t tolerate not knowing why she was embar
rassed. I pressed the questions until
she admitted that her preference for topaz and onyx coincided with the dichotomous colors
of my “dazzling” eyes. Her answer pleased me, but I was immediately annoyed at my
pleasure.
She disliked participating in sports
due to her perceived clumsiness and ineptitude
at physical activities. When I asked her about her favorite scent, she inexplicably flushed
crimson and refused to answer. Stubborn, stubborn girl.
Each tidbit of knowledge was precious to me. I carefully fil
ed her answers away for

Midnight Sun, Part II
268
P.A. Lassiter
Twilight: The Missing Pieces
later examination. Today was the day for collecting information

I could weigh and sort
through it all while I watched her sleep. It irritated me when the school bell interrupted my
interrogations and we had to hurry to separate clas
ses.
Over lunch, caught up in my questions, I was able (mostly) to tune out Rosalie’s
silent screeching and hurling of insults

idiot! fool! traitor!

and Alice’s recent,
disturbing visions, which I
would
prove wrong.
Right now, I only wanted to think abo
ut today and tomorrow, the hours remaining
to me before Saturday

the
Saturday

but traitorous thoughts that Alice might be right
tormented me
.
I could only pray, if God even heard the blasphemies of my wretched kind,
that Bella would live to see Sunday.
Ba
nish the thought!
I commanded myself.
More questions!
Perhaps the questions
would distract me from all my doubts and fears. I focused intently on the list in my head
and continued collecting Bella’s answers.
“Do you participate in religious activities?”
“No, though Charlie considers himself Lutheran and Renee’s traveled all over the
spiritual map. I don’t feel connected to any particular religion or group. It’s never
interested me much.”
“Did you go to summer camp?”
“Once, with the Girl Scouts. It was a
nightmare, literally. Sleeping in the woods
does not improve the quality of my dreams.”
It didn’t seem to matter what I asked her. Her answers were always fascinating, and
led to more questions with more fascinating answers.
I was so involved with our dialog that I forgot about the second installment of
Lorenzo’s Oil
that Mr. Banner was setting up in
biology
. Yesterday had proved an
interesting exercise in control

a different kind of control than I was used to practicing.
Toda
y, I scooted my chair farther away from Bella’s when the lights went out. No
mistakes!
Even at this distance, the heat of Bella’s body warmed my skin, her scent engulfed
me, and her magnetic pull urged me closer. When she looked up and caught my eye, I fel
t a
jolt of electricity shoot between us and form a charged connection. Her heart seemed to be
beating in my chest and my breath sped up to match the cadence of hers. My hands
craved...ached...to touch her.
I began forming arguments to justify my desire.
Hold
ing her hand wouldn’t hurt
her, and would prevent me from stroking her hair...or curving my palm around her
cheek...or...touching her waist...or...
Ahhh!
I had to exert a concentrated effort to keep myself and my chair where they were. I
crossed my arms, clenched
my fists, and sat utterly still. It seemed Bella was faring no
better than I, leaning forward onto the tabletop with her chin resting on her arms. Her
fingers were white with the pressure of gripping the table’s edge.
The problem with touching Bella was t
he escalation of desire. One touch increased
my longing for the next, and the next, which opened the door to even greater, more
dangerous cravings. I remembered the burning in my hand and the jolt of electricity
through my body. The blazing thirst was seco
ndary now, distracted as I was by the softness
of her pale skin, the thick tresses of her hair pooling on the tabletop, the delicate pink bow
of her lips... Escalation, yes, that was clearly the problem.

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269

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الفصل الثالث عشر


13. BALANCIN

Fuming, I sped away through the back streets of Forks until it occurred to me that it would
be better to know what Billy Black had to say to Charlie than not. I turned my attention
back toward Bella’s house and looked for her image. There
she was, approaching her front
door through the eyes of someone following behind. It had to be Jacob. He had a crystal
clear mental voice, deeper in tone than I had expected. I watched as Bella reached under the
eaves to retrieve a spare key and unlock the
front door.
I pulled my car to the curb a safe distance away to eavesdrop. Bella had led Jacob to
the kitchen where she was working at the stove while he watched. Rather than listen for his
father’s voice, as I had intended to do, I couldn’t resist watchi
ng Bella instead.
Jacob was distinctly curious.
“Is something wrong with the truck?”
he asked.
“No,”
she replied curtly, avoiding his probing eyes.
This was the Jacob who’d let Bella in on our secret
unknowingly, since he didn’t
believe the legends. Neve
rtheless, it was still a violation
of our treaty with the Quileute
Her flirting had definitely had an effect on him
he held more than a passing interest in
Bella.
He persisted.
“Oh. I just wondered because you weren’t driving it.”
Bella kept her back to
him and replied,
“I got a ride with a friend.”
Friend, indeed.
Irritation crackled through me, as I realized she did not want to tell
him about me. Why not?
“Nice ride. I didn’t recognize the driver, though. I thought I knew most of the kids
around here.”
Did I detect jealousy in his words? Is that what sparked the fury I felt toward him as
well? Why was he questioning Bella, anyway? What did he want?
When Bella failed to reply, Jacob went on,
“My dad seemed to know him from
somewhere.”
Bella continued
to dodge his implied questions.
“Jacob, could you hand me some plates? They’re in the cupboard over the sink.”
How well I knew that technique! Jacob was not going to let it drop. Annoying as it
was, I rather admired his persistence.
“Sure. So who was it?”
Bella sighed heavily and finally gave in.Edward Cullen"
,” she admitted. Once
again, I thrilled to the sound of my name on her tongue.
Jacob seemed unfazed. He laughed and said,
“Guess that explains it, then. I
wondered why my dad was acting so strange.”
Though Jacob didn’t believe the old stories
about us, his father knew from his own father that they were true.
That’s right
,” Bella said, pretending
unconvincingly
that she didn’t remember
the vampire story Jacob had told her. “
He doesn’t like the Cul
lens
.” That was the
understatement of the year.
“Superstitious old man.”
Jacob seemed embarrassed. So he thought none the worse
of us at least.“
You don’t think he’d say anything to Charlie?”
Bella blurted out.
So Bella doesn’t want her dad to know that
she’s hanging around with this Edward
Cullen. I wonder why,
Jacob thought.
Hmm...surely, she’s not
serious
about him. Is she?
“I doubt it,”
Jacob finally responded to Bella’s question. “
Charlie chewed him out
pretty good last time. They haven’t spoken much
since
tonight is sort of a reunion, I think.
I don’t think he’d bring it up again.”
I had to give Charlie credit for disregarding the gossip and rumors about the
Cullens. To be sure, Carlisle is impressive by anyone’s standards, and no doubt Charlie had
met him more than a few times in the hospital emergency room, where he was always at his
best.
I cringed, reminded of my cruelty to Bella at the hospital. It had seemed necessary
at the time to protect my family from her knowledge that I was not an
ordinary human
being
she had seen me lift Tyler’s van with one hand, after all. And I regretted being
unforgivably rude to her for several weeks afterward in an attempt to protect her from my
insatiable interest. In hindsight, the first effort had been ent
irely unnecessary
Bella had
never told anyone anything
and the second, an utter failure. So much for controlling fate.
Bella seemed acutely uncomfortable with Billy Black in her home and I didn’t fully
understand why. Billy wouldn’t dare divulge what he
knew about us to Charlie. He would
never break the treaty his grandfather had made with my family seventy
odd years ago.
Surely Bella knew that.
So perhaps she just didn’t want her father to know about me, period. My heart sank
at the thought. If I were hu
man, she would have no reason to be ashamed of me. Or maybe
she just thought her father would disapprove.
Seriously, Edward, what father wouldn’t?
I had to smile at the thought, but it was a
sad smile.
I left then, no longer concerned about Billy Black tu
rning Charlie against me. I was
a little troubled by Jacob, though. It seemed I had yet another rival for Bella’s affections.
I had a few hours to kill before Bella and Charlie went to bed and I could safely
creep in through Bella’s window. I decided to go
find Alice. Though I dreaded seeing her
visions of Saturday, I also wanted to be prepared for the worst.
Jessica and
therefore, Mike (and probably the rest of the lunch gang as well) knew
that Bella would be spending the day with me. It wasn’t necessary
that they know where
we were going
just knowing we were together was enough insurance for Bella’s safety.
Should Bella not return, my entire family would be in danger from the townspeople, then
the authorities, and eventually
through too much publicity ..ou
r vampire law enforcers,
the Volturi. Of course, the worst possible consequence for me, if things went badly,
would be her death. Were I to hurt Bella, I would wish for my own swift death. Still, I could
not endanger my family.
Alice was waiting for me o
n the porch as I drove up.
Yes, I’ll take a walk with you,
she thought before I had asked the question
We walked around the house toward the Sol Duc River that separated our home
from the deep forest adjacent to Olympic National Park. I leaped



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his medical service to humans no longer taxed him. Esme filled him with a joy and love
that spilled over in an endless font. He was truly happy.
We lived as a family and spent
our days together, but when nighttime came, they
celebrated each other. Though I tried to give them privacy, it was next to impossible. Their
thoughts
and images of one another
popped into my head no matter how I tried to block
them. I frequently resorted
to traveling far afield to hunt or to pursue my own interests.
Then Carlisle discovered Rosalie, broken and dying in the street. Out of
compassion, he changed her, and then there were four of us. I’d known Rosalie Hale as a
human teenager. She was the town
prize, daughter of a banker, beautiful and wealthy. Boys
wanted her and girls wanted to be her. She was haughty and self
absorbed before her

death, and desperately bitter and unhappy afterwards. She took particular exception to me
because I had been unmov
ed by her charms. Rosalie was not easy to love. Still, nighttime
was less lonely with someone to talk to and quarrel with. Our relationship was often
difficult, but Carlisle and Esme embraced Rosalie, despite her bitterness and pain.
Two years later, Rosa
lie found Emmett, and I returned to my solitary nights. I
pursued my studies and various diversions. I followed Carlisle’s example and studied
medicine, though I never attempted a hands
on practice. Humans were not interesting to
me except in theory, and t
he discomfort of being near their heated breath and pulsing blood
removed any desire I might have had to become a doctor.
Emmett was a godsend. He changed all of our lives, but especially Rosalie’s. He
soothed her resentment and taught her to love in spite
of herself. He made us all laugh and
lightened every difficult situation, eased every transition and every uprooting. He was
constant and caring, large and loud. Everything he did, he did with gusto, and without
reservation. We fought and played and laugh
ed, and he pulled me out of myself. He was
the only brother I had ever known.
We carried on. My days were spent with family and my nights were spent alone.
True to Emmett’s nature, he and Rosalie shared a noisy, boisterous, physical love. Their
coupling sh
ook walls and collapsed roofs. It was so disturbing that Carlisle and Esme
encouraged them to live apart from us, though nearby. Of course, they couldn’t live apart
from my head. Emmett, especially, was easier to read than anyone I had known. His
thoughts
had no protection, no masks, no subterfuge. Without realizing it, I learned about a
man’s love for a woman...again, in theory. I couldn’t understand a lot of his feelings for
Rosalie. They did not resonate with anything I had ever felt.
Alice and Jasper brou
ght with them more of the same
a perfectly matched pair,
sharing a world unto themselves. Their thought patterns were different than either Carlisle
and Esme’s or Emmett and Rosalie’s. They were knit tightly together, perhaps because of
the terrible trauma
s they both had suffered in their previous lives, or maybe because of
their special talents.
As for me, I was still the odd man out, but Alice became the best friend I’d ever
had. We both lived with many others in our heads
me, reading their thoughts, and
Alice seeing visions of their futures. It was disabling in some ways and made blending into human society more difficult.
Jasper also had become disabled as a human predator. Where I had heard my
victims’ thoughts before killing them
the good and the ba
d, the pathos and the cruelty
Jasper had felt his victims’ feelings. Both of us would have gone mad if we hadn’t stopped
killing humans. Drinking a human’s blood was also next to impossible for Alice, who, all
the while she was feeding, would see her vict
im’s potential future fade before her eyes.
But none of these connections with my family had prepared me for what I now felt
for Bella. My feelings went far beyond the familial love that I had known. I became a moon
in her orbit, iron to her magnet, a rive
r to her sea. Every part of me was unalterably drawn
toward her.
Nighttime is when I noticed the changes most, the time that heretofore was my
own, when mates turn to each other and I had always turned inward. Since beginning my
nocturnal visits to Bella’
s room, the old loneliness stands in high relief to the fullness of my
present feelings. Now that it’s gone, I truly understand what loneliness is. I can never
return to who I was before, now that I know what I know. I am forever altered
It made me happy
just to stand in a corner or sit in Bella’s rocking chair and watch
her sleep
to see her chest rise and fall, to watch her restless eyes follow the pictures in her
dreams, and to be a ready audience for her words. She was quiet tonight, peaceful, though
sh
e still spoke a few words.
“Green,” she said abruptly about halfway through the night. I wondered if our long
conversation about Phoenix had made her homesick for the brown of the desert. To soothe
her mind, I softly sang her lullaby and she grew quiet.
As
dawn approached, she became restless again and began to speak.
“Edward,”
she whispered. My heart soared.
Some time later, she began to moan and mumble. The words were mostly
unintelligible until she said, “Kiss me.” Dare I hope that it was me she wanted to kiss? Was
it possible?
In our darkened
biology
lab, it had seemed like she was fighting the same urge t
o
reach for me as I was for her. Also, I’d seen her hand twitch toward mine once or twice in
the school parking lot before she’d snatched it back. And the electric current flowing
between us was palpable. But to
kiss
her?
My own desire was abundantly clea
r. Whenever I looked at her full lips, I longed to
touch them, to trace their outline with my fingertips, to feel their soft heat against my cool
skin. I wanted to press my lips to other parts of her too: her eyelids, her cheekbones, the
line of her jaw, t
he base of her throat, and lower, along her collar bones and the gentle
curves below.
Bella suddenly shifted in her bed and her unconscious movement jerked me sharply
from my fantasy. With a shock, I found that I had moved across the room to Bella’s bedsi
de
and was slowing lowering my face toward hers. I flung myself backwards and hit the far
wall with a thud. My breathing was fast and ragged. If I had had a working heart, it would
have been pounding like a drum. I froze where I landed and listened for sou
nds from
Charlie’s room. There was no disruption in his snoring pattern and I gradually relaxed my
vigilance. Bella rolled over in her sleep. As I looked toward her still slumbering face, my
breathing began to quicken again.
What had I almost done? Was Be
lla safe from me? With mounting concern, I
realized that I didn’t know the answer to those questions. Without a doubt, my desire for
her contained an element of blood lust...perhaps a lot of blood lust. But it wasn’t torturing
me as it would have just two sh
ort weeks ago. To be here in this overheated room amidst
clouds of her sweet fragrance should have overwhelmed me, but it didn’t. The burn was
there, but it was tolerable.
I was starting to wonder whether I should be worrying more about my desire for
phys
ical contact in its myriad forms. These new cravings were more difficult to control in a
way. I wasn’t accustomed to this kind of desire and it kept catching me by surprise. I was
acting on impulse before I even knew what I was doing. I
must
be careful...ver
y, very
careful. I clasped my hands together in a belated attempt to prevent their wandering.
Just then, Bella spoke, soft and clear: “I love you, Edward.”
My heart leaped with joy! She loved me! Was it true? It shouldn’t be true. It was not
safe for Bella
to have these strong feelings for me. I would hurt her...one way or another, I
would hurt her. But I refused to dwell on that now. I blocked the thought from my mind so
I could revel in my elation She. Loved. Me
As dawn began to break, I made my
exit from Bella’s room and sprinted home. I didn’t
want to be separated from her for a second longer than necessary.
As usual, Alice saw me coming and was sitting outside on the porch steps. She
smiled knowingly as I walked by and my wide smile met hers.
Can I meet her now, Edward?
I sighed. “Yes, Alice, I will introduce you at lunch. Do you want to take the
afternoon off and go hunting with me? I need to prepare for our outing tomorrow.”
Yes, of course, Edward. Wouldn’t miss it.
She grinned and I went ins
ide to change
my clothes.
Bella would need her own vehicle to drive herself home from school today, but I
could not resist picking her up anyway. Though it took only a few minutes to drive from
her house to the high school, they were minutes I cherished. I
positioned my car on Bella’s
street past her house, far enough along that Charlie wouldn’t notice me when he left. As he
drove around the corner, I rolled forward to Bella’s curb.
We were playing a little game. She made a habit of rushing out the front d
oor as
soon as Charlie was gone, but no matter how quickly she appeared, I was always parked
and waiting for her. Today, I was quick enough to kill the engine and roll down the
windows as if I’d been sitting there for an hour. Her eyes widened when she saw
me, and
she approached the car laughing.
“How did you sleep?” I asked disingenuously, suppressing a grin.
“Fine. How was your night?” she countered.
“Pleasant,” I said, unable to hide my amusement. If she only knew just
how
pleasant!
She eyed my expression
with suspicion
. “Can I ask what you did?
You can ask...,
I thought, chuckling. Aloud, I said, “No. Today is still
mine.”
As we rode to school, I continued with my questioning. I knew from her dreams
that she missed her mother, Renee. I wanted to know more
about Renee. Was she anything
like Bella? I had already identified many similarities between Bella and her father: their
taciturnity, their seriousness, their sense of responsibility, their tempers. She had implied
that her mother was very different
flighty, intuitive, impulsive, somewhat out of touch
with the realities of everyday living. That helped explain Bella’s maturity. But what was
their life together like? How did they relate to each other? What did they do together? I
looked forward to meeti
ng Renee.
Between classes, I turned my questions to a topic about which I was extremely
curious
Bella’s romantic history. How many boyfriends had Bella had before she came to
Forks? What were they like? Did she keep in touch? And especially,
how did they c
ompare
to me?
I wanted to know what distant rivals I might have. Even as that thought occurred
to me, I knew by the sharp pang in my chest that it was wrong...
very
wrong...to view
myself as competition for any human boy. True to form, I forged ahead anyway.“
Did you date a lot in Phoenix?” I asked Bella, trying to sound casual.
“No,” she replied.
Though I was impatient with her short answer, I tried to keep my tone level. I
wanted to know every detail about every one of them! Clearly, she was not eager to talk
about it and that made me even more curious.
“How often did you go out?” I kept the ques
tion generic, hoping to elicit more
information while masking my intense curiosity.
Her prolonged hesitation frustrated me. Finally, she looked down at her hands and
replied, “Uh...never.” An appealing blush colored her cheeks.
“You
never
went out?” I respon
ded in disbelief. I couldn’t let her dodge the
question and that blush had to mean
something “No, never.”
I was baffled, but my heart soared with hope. Could it be that Bella had never said
“yes” to anyone until now, until me? Was that possible?
“So, yo
u never met anyone you wanted?” I pressed, even more anxious for details.
Bella refused to elaborate. “Not in Phoenix,” she said.
So what did
that
mean? Was there someone here in Forks she’d been interested in?
Who?
Tell me it wasn’t that weasel, Newton! I
suppressed a growl.
Crowley? Yorkie?
Jacob Black? Someone else I hadn’t yet met?
How she frustrated me!
I decided to end this line of questioning and address our plans for tomorrow. “I
should have let you drive yourself today,” I told her.
“Why?” She rai
sed her tone slightly. Annoyed? Angry?
“I’m leaving with Alice after lunch.”
“Oh,” she said, her face falling. She was disappointed! Would she miss me?
“That’s okay,” she continued. “It’s not that far of a walk.” How could she imagine that I
would be so u
nchivalrous? She must not think very highly of me after all.
“I’m not going to make you walk home. We’ll go get your truck and leave it here
for you.”
“I don’t have my key with me”
she s…a…id,
as if that were some kind of deterrent to
me. “I really don’t mi
nd walking.”
I refused to budge. “Your truck will be here and the key will be in the ignition
unless you’re afraid someone might steal it.” I laughed at my own joke.
“All right,” she finally conceded. I knew she was wondering how I would retrieve
her truc
k without the keys. How little faith she had in me. Or...how little she knew of my
wily ways.
“So where are you going?” she asked, seeming not all that interested.
I hated to admit my weakness, but I had to be honest.
“Hunting. If I’m going to be alone wit
h you tomorrow, I’m going to take whatever
precautions I can.” Remembering last night’s incident, a wave of concern for Bella’s safety
washed over me and took my confidence with it.
“You can always cancel, you know.” She
should
cancel, of course. Could s
he see
that in my eyes?
She dropped her head and whispered, “No, I can’t.” Then she raised her eyes and
peered sadly into my face. Backwards instincts, again.
“Perhaps you’re right,” I replied.
But ..I
could. And I
should
to protect her from
herself as well
as from me!
But I was not strong enough
or perhaps, not good
enough
to say the words out loud. My selfishness knew no bounds.
“What time will I see you tomorrow?” she asked. Why did she sound sad?
“That depends...it’s a Saturday, don’t you want to sleep in?”
“No
.
” Her forceful response amused and gladdened me.
“The same time as usual, then. Will Charlie be there?” I hoped so. A witness.
“No, he’s fishing tomorrow.” She
grinned
widely as if this were a good thing.
“And if you don’t come home, what will he
think?” I barked, my worry
automatically compensating for her seeming lack of concern. Why wasn’t she afraid?
“I have no idea,” she continued. “He knows I’ve been meaning to do the laundry.
Maybe he’ll think I fell in the washer.”
So she refused
to tell C
harlie that we’d be together! That angered me in more ways
than one and I glared at her. She responded with her own kittenish anger and attempted to
stare me down. I almost laughed.
“What are you hunting tonight?” she asked calmly, as if this were an ordin
ary,
everyday conversation.
“Whatever we find in the park. We aren’t going far.” It was impossible to stay
angry with her.
“Why are you going with Alice?” she continued.
Remembering my family’s reaction to my recent activities sobered me at once. I
tried
to be honest. “Alice is the most...supportive.”
At least she will still talk to me, I
thought.
“And the others? What are they?” Bella seemed concerned.
How should I reply?
“Incredulous, for the most part.” That was certainly true. No
matter what else they th
ought about my pursuing Bella, none of them could believe I was
doing it. And they especially didn’t understand why. I had no convincing argument for
them. Bella’s eyes wandered toward my siblings.
“They don’t like me,” she concluded.
“That’s not it,” I c
ountered.
They don’t like that you’re human
, I thought, but even
that wasn’t quite it. “They don’t understand why I can’t leave you alone.” To my
knowledge, not one of my vampire family had ever been attracted to a human, though I
knew that Carlisle had be
come attached to my mother and me in the hospital where we both
lay dying of the influenza.
“Neither do I, for that matter,” Bella interrupted my wandering thoughts.
How could I make her understand?
“I told you
you don’t see yourself clearly at
all. You’
re not like anyone I’ve ever known. You fascinate me.” She gave me an evil look.
She thought I was kidding! Silly Bella.
“Having the advantages I do,” I began, pointing to my forehead, “I have a better
than average grasp of human nature. People are predic
table. But you...you never do what I
expect. You always take me by surprise.” Can she understand how remarkable that is?
How extraordinary? How intriguing?
But, of course, that wasn’t the most important thing. Not at all. It was perhaps an
initial lure and i
t kept me on my toes
Bella was never boring
but there was much more
to it than that. My voice softened.
“That part is easy enough to explain, but there’s more...and it’s not so easy to put
into words
” I was thinking of the words she’d spoken to me in her d
reams, but I couldn’t
return them now. I didn’t want to scare her away.
Glancing at Bella’s face, I saw that she was staring over my shoulder with a look of terror
terror!
in her eyes. What was frightening her? I followed her gaze to find
Rosalie staring fiercely at her. Then I heard Rosalie mentally screaming at me and silently
threatening Bella.
I can still take her out! If I hear that she’s spoken one word about us to
anyone, I
will
do it!
Either I had been so engrossed in this conversation or had gotten so
good at tuning her out that I was missing her latest tirade.
No matter what she thought, I would not allow her to threaten Bella. Without
turning around, I sent Ros
alie a warning hiss I knew she could hear. She turned her eyes
away from Bella, but she didn’t stop yelling silently at me. That was fine.
Imbecile! Idiot! How dare you tell Bella anything about us! How dare you risk
everything!
I tuned her out again. Sh
e was frightening Bella and wasting our time
together. I would deal with her later.
“I’m sorry about that. She’s just worried,” I said, trying to downplay Rosalie’s
reaction. “You see...it’s dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time
wit
h you so publicly...” A stab of remorse cut through me.
“If?” Bella pressed.
I hesitated, not wanting to frighten her. “If this ends...badly.” What was I thinking?
Of course she should be frightened! How could I be so reckless?
Run, Bella, run!
But like her
, I was already in too deep to stop, come what may. Her calm voice
broke through my torment.
“And you have to leave now?
At least my hunting would improve her odds.
“Yes.”
But I hate to go! I miss you already!
I declared to myself
.
Then I
remembered
biology
class.
“It’s probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left
to endure in
biology
I don’t think I could take any more.”
At least not without breaking the furniture or hauling her off to my monster’s lair. I
almost
smiled at the image in my mind of the evil vampire in his black cape, his fangs
bared, with the innocent maiden slung over his shoulder.
Time to introduce me, Edward!
Alice had stepped up behind me and was smiling at
Bella.
At least one of the Cullen si
sters is anxious to know her,
I thought.
“Alice.”
“Edward,” she answered aloud, for Bella’s benefit.
“Alice, Bella
Bella, Alice.”
Finally! Thank you, Edward!
“Hello, Bella. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
You’re
going to be my sister some day! If Edward
doesn’t kill you first
, Alice added in her head.
She just couldn’t help herself, could she? And what did she mean by “sister,”
anyway?
“Hi
Alice,” Bella replied.
“Are you ready?” Alice asked me.
You’ve told her, right?
“Nearly.” I answered both question
s at once. “I’ll meet you at the car.” Happy now,
Alice left us discreetly alone.
“Should I say ‘have fun’ or is that the wrong sentiment?” Bella inquired, the
corners of her mouth drooping slightly as she tried for a smile.
Ah, she
would
miss me! My hear
t sang.
“No, ‘have fun’ works as well as anything.” I used to, but all I could think about
now was getting back as quickly as possible. The separation was necessary, though.
“Have fun, then.” Bella attempted to sound cheerful, but her ability to fool me w
as
limited.
She’s an extremely poor liar
, I thought
My smile widened.
“I’ll try. And you try to be safe, please.” That was a problem, of course.
She could
fall out a window, or pass out and drown in the school drinking fountain, or attract hungry,
wild a
nimals.
Like me?
“Safe in Forks
what a challenge,” she mocked.
“For you it
is
a challenge.” Visions of roving vampires danced through my head.
“Promise,” I demanded.
“I promise to try to be safe,” she intoned slavishly. “I’ll do the laundry
tonight
that o
ught to be fraught with peril.”
Laundry...okay. I remembered her joke about the laundry being a dangerous
endeavor.
“Don’t fall in.” The image amused me in spite of myself.
“I’ll do my best,” Bella replied, as we both rose from our seats. “I’ll see you
tomo
rrow.” She sighed. I knew how she felt.
“It seems like a long time to you, doesn’t it?” I ventured.
She nodded unhappily and I was pleased I’d gotten it right.
“I’ll be there in the morning,” I promised, though I knew I wouldn’t have to miss
her for as long as she would miss me. I fully intended to see her as soon as she fell asleep.
I reached across the table to let my fingers say goodbye. Slowly, my fingertips
stroked her silky cheekbone.
Ahh...
I tore my hand away as a warm blush rose up her neck
and
spread
across her face.
Mmm...the smell of her...the heat...the galloping heart...the bottomless chocolate
eyes...the blood swirling beneath her skin...
Everything about her
was an invitation to me.
I wished I could stay. Instead, I rose abruptly and hustled myself out of the cafeteria before
I got too carried away. Time to hunt.
Alice was waiting in the car with the stereo turned up
singing along in her
inimitable way.
“Tha
nks for being nice to Bella, Alice. Rose was giving her the evil eye. And I
think she senses everyone’s ambivalence.”
“I have no
o-..o am
bi
valence wha
a –at–so–ev
errrr,” Alice replied in time and
in tune with the music.
I’m just going to assume that you wo
n’t kill her. Or if you simply
can’t keep from biting her, that you’ll stop before you drain
all
her blood.
“That’s not funny, Alice! Don’t even think that in jest!” But the evil thought had
already been planted in my head.
To taste Bella’s blood!
I could
imagine the profound pleasure it would be. Was
such a thing possible? It
was
possible in the vampire lore of movies, television, and books.
Vampire “love bites” were commonly depicted as the climactic moment of making love
with a human.
Myth.
The truth
was that if a vampire indulged in any biting behavior, then the human
didn’t survive
at least not as a human. Venom was venom. There was no “safe” way for a
vampire to bite. Wouldn’t it be something if there were...?!
Ahhh!! No, no, no, no, no!
What am I th
inking? If I harbor secret thoughts of tasting
her blood, I
will
kill her! And if, miraculously, I
don’t
kill her, the venom would still end
her human life...very, very painfully. Unthinkable! Well, clearly, not unthinkable
I was
thinking it, wasn’t I?
Ahhh
!
My head was a mess!
This was one of those times when I was glad Alice couldn’t read my mind. My
thoughts had traveled in exactly the direction her visions and her little asides had
suggested.
“Ah, damn it, Alice!” I didn’t even bother to explain myself
. My teeth would never,
ever touch Bella’s skin and that was the end of it.
We’d arrived at Charlie’s house and I stepped out of the car. I was angry with Alice,
but also, and especially, with myself.
“You take the car. I’ll find the truck keys and meet y
ou back at the school parking
lot.” She was already sitting in the driver’s seat, so obviously, she’d seen my plan.
You can go in the window, as long as you do it in the next four minutes forty
five
seconds,
Alice thought
She was one step ahead of me. I
shut the car door and she zipped
off without another word
or evil, suggestive thought.
Though I could have used Bella’s hidden key to enter through the front door of the
house, I was accustomed to going in through the window. Anyway, the window put me
righ
t into Bella’s room, where I expected to find her truck keys. I definitely didn’t want to
be seen climbing through Bella’s window in broad daylight, but four minutes was an
eternity to me. I leaped to the window, grabbing the eave with one hand while I ope
ned the
casement with the other. I slipped in and inhaled deeply.
Ahh, the lovely, familiar scent of her bedroom.
I would never get enough of it. But
no keys in sight, not on the dresser or the desk. I’d noticed that Bella didn’t choose to tell
me where
to find her keys when we were talking at lunch. That explained her dubious look
when I told her we’d bring her truck to the school. She was challenging me. She had no
idea....
Now that I thought about it, I should have asked Alice where the keys
were
. She
co
uld have watched me searching for them and told me where I would eventually find them
without my actually having to look. Oh well, sometimes it was good to go manual.
Okay, where to start. Hmm, Alice had touched those keys last week when we
brought Bella’s
truck home. The leather “B” on the ring would hold her scent. Maybe I
could locate Alice’s scent somewhere in the house. I sniffed. Not in the bedroom. I went
down the hall. Not in the bathroom. I headed downstairs toward the kitchen. Nope. Living
room. N
ope.
It can’t be that hard. Wait! Bella has laundry to do. It’s natural to stuff one’s keys in
a pocket, especially a coat or trousers pocket. If I didn’t find her keys in the laundry, I’d
check the coat closet. I located the laundry room off the kitchen
and caught the tiniest trace
of Alice’s scent amidst the stronger odors of Bella’s and Charlie’s dirty clothes. Getting
warm. I followed my nose to a pile of clothes on the floor, among them a pair of Bella’s
jeans.
Got ’em!
I was rather pleased with mys
elf, actually
found in under two minutes. I made
sure the laundry pile looked completely untouched, just to mess with Bella’s head a little.
Maybe she’d think I could summon the keys into my hand from wherever they were in the
house, just like Harry Potter. “
Accio
, key
s!”
I ordered. Okay, that was just silly.
This was
reality here, not
fantasy.
I decided to exit the house the same way I’d come and reiterate my message to
Bella
the one she didn’t take seriously
along the way. Back in her bedroom, I found a
sheet of paper
and a pen on her desktop. I wrote two words:
Be Safe.
Aware of the irony of my writing those words to her, but unwilling to regard it, I
folded the paper in half and stepped to the open window. I listened for anyone in the
immediate area and, hearing
no one, leaped through, grabbed the eave, and closed the
casement in one motion before dropping to the ground.
I sat in Bella’s truck and started the engine.
Unbelievably loud.
But it’s easy to find
her when she’s driving, so I suppose it’s not all bad
Bu
t the speed! Ugh! How can she
stand it?
Fortunately, it wasn’t far to the school. Of course, nothing was very far away in
Forks.
I parked the truck where the Volvo had been so Bella would find it readily, placed
the folded sheet of paper on the seat, and
joined Alice. She took us home, driving only
slightly slower than I would have. I could tolerate it.
Since I wouldn’t be using it for a while, I motioned to Alice to pull the car around to
the garage. We got out and started walking toward the forest.
Are
you still mad at me?
she
wondered, almost to herself.
“I suppose not. But really, Alice, this is all hard enough without your unhelpful
contributions.”
“Women. Ya can’t live with ‘em. Ya can’t eat ‘em.” She intoned, then chuckled at
her own joke.
“Alice,
pleeeease,” I begged.
Try not to worry so much, Edward. I have every confidence in you. You love her.
Love can do miraculous things. Just look at Jasper and me. Where would we be without
each other?
“Speaking of Jasper, I haven’t checked in lately,” I note
d, changing the subject.
“How are things going at school? He’s not keeping up this ridiculous exercise in building
tolerance, is he? He was running a little too close to the edge last week.”
I convinced him that he should hunt every week instead of trying
to wait for two
weeks. He sees the good sense in that, but it’s hard on his pride. I don’t know if he’ll follow
through.
She paused and shut her eyes.
No, looks like he won’t. If you could check in with
him when he tries to stretch it, that would be really
helpful. If I bug him too much, he just
goes all silent and stoic.
“I’ll do my best, Alice. Remind me if you want to. My attention has been elsewhere
recently.” I looked at her and smiled wryly. All was forgiven.
I wanted him to come with us today, but
he’s going with Esme and Rosalie
tomorrow. He’s not pleased with the Bella situation.
“That’s fine, as long as he doesn’t interfere. Jasper is my brother, but I will fight
him if he threatens Bella.”
I don’t see him doing that, Edward. Especially now that
I’ve officially met her and
we’re going to be friends. I can’t wait to do some girlie stuff with her. She needs serious
help with her wardrobe.
It was no use trying to dampen Alice’s enthusiasm and I wouldn’t even try. “Just please don’t say anything to
her about..


The visions. I know, Edward.
I let the subject drop. It was not something I wanted to think about right now and I
certainly didn’t want to argue the future with Alice. We’d reached the river anyway.
“Ready, Alice?”
Ready.
We leaped over the r
iver and started running.
***
Charlie had just dropped off to sleep when I entered Bella’s window. I recognized a CD of
Chopin nocturnes playing softly. Bella was lying on her back, her hands crossed over her
chest, almost as if someone had posed her in
a coffin.
Yikes! Where did that thought come from? Alice’s influence, again.
I sighed.
By the heavy sound of her breathing, I knew Bella was deeply asleep, but the
bedcovers were perfectly folded under her elbows and lay unruffled clear to the foot of the
bed. She looked like she had made the bed, slid carefully under the blanket, crossed her
arms, then hadn’t moved since. It wasn’t like her. Normally, she was a wild, restless
sleeper with her sheets and blankets all untucked and tangled together.
I check
ed the CD player and found that it was set on Auto Repeat. I turned it off,
deciding to sing to her instead. Her head turned slightly and her lips moved silently when I
began, but she said nothing intelligible.
It had become my habit to sit in the rocking
chair. It made me feel more human in
this very human place. Standing like a statue, though my natural state, looked eerie to
human eyes, I knew. It was one of the first lessons you learned living amongst them. Sit,
don’t stand. Twitch and fidget. Cross yo
ur legs. Move your hands. Blink. Humans were, by
and large, very restless creatures. That’s why Bella’s position seemed so strange. She
hadn’t moved at all since she’d lain down. Was there something wrong with her?
I stepped to her bedside and leaned over to listen to her heartbeat. Perhaps a little
slower than usual, but strong and regular. Slower, hmm. Surely she doesn’t take sleeping
pills! That could account for her stillness. Or alcohol, I supposed, though I’d n
ever seen her
drink or even heard her talk about it. Nope, no alcohol on her breath.
Curious, now, I opened the drawer of her bedside table. Books. Earplugs. A
miniature book light. MP3 player. No drugs. Since I now knew the layout of the house, I
headed
to the bathroom to look in the medicine cabinet. I knew that I shouldn’t snoop
around, but now that I’d thought of it, I was worried that maybe Bella had taken drugs of
some kind. She wouldn’t, would she? It didn’t seem like her. Or was she sick?
The medi
cine cabinet contained a selection of the usual creams, salves, shaving
supplies, aspirin, cold medicine, toothpaste and floss. No prescription drugs. Wait a
second...cold medicine. Does Bella have a cold? I hadn’t noticed any tissues by her bed or
any sneez
ing or coughing today at school. Humans were so fragile. She could catch
anything at any
time. It was frightening, really.
I wondered if Bella had been keyed up and turned on the nocturnes to relax. And
maybe she even took some cold medicine to make her s
leepy. Was she more worried about
being alone with me tomorrow than she would admit? Not that I would get a straight
answer if I asked. Well, I would give her every chance to back out. It might be for the best
anyway. Alice had seen danger for Bella in the
meadow. She said it wasn’t imminent, but
she could be wrong...it might be.
I returned to Bella’s room and sat down in the rocking chair. I began singing softly
and watched as the corner of her mouth
curved
up. She rolled to her side and murmured,
“Edward,”
as if she knew I was watching over her. I wonder what she would say if she
discovered I actually was. Would that frighten her? So many, many questions.
Dawn arrived more quickly than I expected. It was so peaceful here, listening to
Bella’s breathing, know
ing she was safe. Though the burn was always there in my throat,
along with the hollow ache in my stomach, I had grown accustomed to it. It was like
walking a long distance with a missing shoe heel. At first it seems intolerable, impossible
to walk any dis
tance at all. But by putting one foot in front of the other, your body
gradually adjusts around the discomfort, easing it by bending one knee slightly or putting
more weight on the toes.
I could partly compensate for the ache in my throat by focusing on
ella’s
intoxicating scent or by listening to the sound of her heartbeat or breath. I was also learning
to mentally block the pain in my throat by concentrating on more pleasurable sensations in
my body: the pleasant “burn” in my fingers after I’d touched h
er face, the electrical buzz
that flowed between us when we were close, or a new sensation that I’d noticed in my
lower torso, a tingling heat. Turning pain to pleasure. It required some effort certainly.
It was time to take my leave. Charlie would depart
early on his fishing trip, no
doubt, and I needed to run home, change clothes, and run back. I could use the distraction
about now.
I was not feeling particularly hopeful when I knocked on Bella’s door a couple of
hours later. There was so much potential f
or the day to go wrong.
Bella was fumbling excessively with the front door lock. When she finally released
it and opened the door, I looked her up and down and laughed.
“Good morning,” I said, suddenly cheerful.
Responding to my amusement, Bella asked,
“What’s wrong?” It was just like her to
assume that something was wrong
with her.
“We match,” I said.
She was wearing blue jeans and a long tan sweater with a white, lacy collar peeking
from the neck. I was dressed just like her
blue jeans, white shirt, t
an sweater
sans lace.
Her expression as she looked at my clothing was oddly comical. She seemed surprised to
have her attention drawn to it as if she’d never noticed that I wore clothes. She laughed at
the coincidence, though she began biting her lip and s
he avoided meeting my gaze. What
did that mean? Was she frightened?
As we walked toward her truck, I dragged my feet, exaggerating my displeasure at
being her passenger.
“We made a deal,” she
reminded me
. “Where to?”
“Put your seatbelt on
I’m nervous alre
ady”
Humans were so fallible behind the wheel of a vehicle and vampires never
were
or at least we had plenty of time to correct mistakes before accidents could occur.
But she seemed to take great pride in driving me.
“Where to?” she repeated, and I subm
itted gracelessly to the inevitable.

[مورا اسامة]

“Take the one

محتوى مخفي

يجب عليك الرد لرؤية النص المخفي

تم الفصل

[مورا اسامة]

الفصل الرابع عشر



14. CONFESSIONS
Nothing could have surprised me more. Bella had not reacted with revulsion to my startling
appearance. On the contrary, and beyond all my expectations, I no longer had any doubt
that Bella
unbelievably and inexplicably
was physically attracted to me. It had become
increasingly clear over the course of our afternoon together.
When I moved into the sunlight, her jaw dropped, her eyes grew huge and round,
and a long, soft “Ohhh!” escaped from her lips. Her knees trembled a
s if they might buckle
and I resisted the urge to run forward and catch her. This was a moment I could not protect
her from. My stony, white skin sparkled and gleamed in the sunshine, throwing off rays of
rainbow
colored light as if thousands of tiny cryst
als were embedded in the surface. It took
some getting used to.
Bella stood frozen for a moment, her mouth gaping, her eyes moving from my face
to my neck, to my shoulders, across my bare chest, down to my stomach, to my hands and
up my arms. Her close scr
utiny sent a shiver through me.
She took a step forward as if in a daze, one arm reaching in my direction. Then she
stopped, seeming confused, before taking hold of herself. She closed her mouth, dropped
her arm, and stood motionless, her eyes wandering a
gain over every inch of my exposed
skin. I suddenly understood how she must feel when she blushed. A ripple of heat swept
through my body and my stone
cold skin became electric with sensation.
Watching her examine me, I did not detect fear. Her eyes were f
illed with wonder
and curiosity. I remained motionless, allowing her to become used to my appearance from
a distance. Minutes passed as she gazed at me, mesmerized, before she came to herself
again.
Slowly, but with a sure intention, Bella stepped toward
me, her eyes seeking mine
as she crossed the twenty feet that separated us. As she approached, her scent floated
toward me on the air and I closed my eyes and inhaled, holding my ground as the familiar
burn scorched my throat.
When she grew close, Bella re
ached for my hand. I allowed her to take it and pull
me into the clearing. To hold her warm, pliant hand in mine

it was one of my fantasies
come true. I felt the electricity spark between our palms. A surge of joy shot through me.
When we reached the cent
er of the clearing directly beneath the sun, I disengaged
my hand reluctantly. Had its cold temperature disturbed her? I folded my legs and dropped
to the ground. She followed my lead and sat near me.
Her eyes settled on my face, then scanned downward slo
wly, resting on my chest
and shoulders before moving lower. The thrill of her eyes on me was overwhelming. I lay
back on the grass and closed my eyes, giving her some privacy as she grew accustomed to
my sparkling skin. I began to sing softly to myself. It
was both an expression of my joy and
a soothing palliative to my tension. I couldn’t read Bella’s thoughts, of course, but her
reaction to me had been clear in her wide eyes.
Today, we existed outside of time in own our private world. I had never been in
the
presence of a human without adopting the façade of dress, mannerisms, and behaviors that
allowed us to blend in. I was exhilarated by the sense of freedom I got from just existing,
without artifice and without effort, allowing Bella to see me for what
I am.
At some point in that timeless idyll, I felt Bella’s finger stroke the back of my hand.
The electrical charge was soft, a warm buzzing sensation. I remained still, allowing her to
explore my skin, knowing that it must seem inordinately strange to her
. After a few
moments, I opened my eyes to try reading hers. She seemed calm and untroubled, with
wonder in her eyes.
I ventured a smile. “I don’t scare you?”
“No more than usual,” she replied.
It was an amusing

and surprising

answer. Satisfied that she
was more or less at
peace, I closed my eyes to absorb her touch. Her heated fingers skimmed along my
forearm, tracing the lines of muscle and sinew. They trembled slightly against my skin, but
I understood now that this was not due to fear, or at least, n
ot
only
to fear. She enjoyed
touching me.
“Do you mind?”
S
he spoke softly, tenderly.
“No. You can’t imagine how that feels.”
I released a deep, long
–
buried sigh. In my existence, I had never been touched like
this by someone who wasn’t my mother or sister
. And even then, it was a profoundly
different experience.
Her fingers trailed softly to the sensitive inner surface of my elbow, an exquisite
sensation. She pressed the side of my hand as if to turn it over and I flipped it for her.
Startled at the speed
of my movement

natural to a vampire, shockingly fast to a
human

she froze for a moment and held her breath. I opened my eyes just long enough to
see that she had recovered from the surprise.
“Sorry,” I
murmured
. “It’s too easy to be myself with you.”
Nev
er before had I so completely lowered my guard,
either
with human or vampire.
And because her mind was silent to me, I expended no energy to read or to avoid reading
her thoughts as I did around others. It is hard to exaggerate the tranquility that this ga
ve me.
Bella lifted my hand and rotated it back and forth, presumably to see the crystalline
sparkles dance in the light.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I whispered, unable to keep my curiosity at bay for
long. “It’s still so strange for me, not knowing.
” I gazed at her face, trying to read her mind
through her eyes.
“You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time.”
“It’s a hard life,” I admitted. “But you didn’t tell me.”
“I
was
wishing I could know what you were thinking...” Her voice trailed off.
“And?” I coaxed.
“I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I
wasn’t afraid.”
“I don’t want you to be afraid
.
” Though I knew she should be, I wished so much
that she didn’t have to be.
“Well, that’s not exactly the fear
I meant, though that’s certainly something to think
about.”
Her statement surprised me and I wanted to understand what she meant,
immediately. I flipped myself onto my right side, my free hand propping up my head. My
eyes were near hers now, my palm in he
r hand. This time she was not startled by my
speedy, vampiric movement, but I realized that her heart rate and respiration had increased
and her translucent skin was coloring with blood. She looked into my eyes.
“What are you afraid of, then?” I asked, a l
ittle nervous to know.
She seemed poised to answer, but instead, leaned toward me precipitously. Her
eyes looked dazed and she began breathing in short gasps. I felt the sweet heat of her breath
on my face as her lips parted and approached mine. The smooth
arc of her throat stretched
beneath, her veins pounding visibly with blood. Unwisely, I inhaled, tasting her breath on
my tongue and feeling the dry, burning ache I knew so well. I shuddered as venom poured
into my mouth and my muscles coiled to spring.
Disaster was imminent.
With only a fraction of a second to contain the monster, I leaped away from my
would
–
be prey, back to the forest’s edge. Panting, I clung to a massive spruce tree,
borrowing its strength to fix me in place.
It would be so easy...so e
asy...
Using every bit of will I could muster, I somehow held my position. I clenched my
jaw viciously against the unholy desire and focused on calming my frantic breath.
Gradually, I regained sufficient control to know that I could run if I had to. I raised
my eyes
to Bella.
She looked stunned.
“I’m...sorry...Edward,” she stuttered, unable to hide her bewilderment and pain.
Her eyes had misted over and the anguish I saw there completely short
–
circuited
my hunting instinct. That was an unexpected blessing, some
thing I could use.
“Give me a moment,” I
called
from my cautious distance.
When I had fully mastered myself, I stepped into the sunlight and
paced
toward
Bella. I remembered the principles of preventing fear in humans: move slowly, keep a
distance of thr
ee to four feet, and look into their eyes. I followed all of these rules while
approaching Bella, then sat on the ground opposite her. I felt chastened and raw,
determined never again to see that expression of shock and dismay on Bella’s face.
“I am so very sorry
.
” In an effort to ease her distress, I joked gently
,
“Would you
understand what I meant if I said I was only human?”
She nodded, a slight trembling apparent in the line of her mouth. There could be no
doubt that Bella finally grasped the danger sh
e had invited today. The scent of fear floated
toward me in her perspiration.
I flashed a sardonic smile. Wasn’t it my duty to demonstrate the extent of the
danger so that she would fully understand? Maybe it excited me, in a perverse way, to
frighten her;
or perhaps the day’s tension was suddenly too much for me; or maybe I
simply wanted to release the last of my habitual bindings. For whatever reason, I pressed
.
“I’m the world’s best predator, aren’t I? Everything about me invites you in

my
voice, my face, even my
smell.
As if I need any of that!” I leaped to the spruce tree in a
single bound, then raced around the circumference of the meadow in a fraction of a second.
“As if you could outrun me!” An evil
–
sounding laugh erupted from my lips
.
I grabbed the largest limb I could reach on the massive spruce and snapped it like a
twig, tossing the huge object effortlessly across the meadow. Where it crashed, a gigantic
domino effect rippled through the woods from tree to tree. Before the noise d
immed, I
reappeared in an instant at Bella’s side, rigid and motionless.
“As if you could fight me off.” I spoke quietly, dangerously, predator to prey.
Her fear was tangible now. She huddled where she sat, trembling, pale as snow, her
breath halted altog
ether. But, miraculously, unaccountably, her gaze never swerved from
me and she made no move to flee. As I met her frightened eyes, their liquid depths spoke to
me

the human part of me

and brought me back to myself, to her, and to the tender
moment we’d lost.
From wanton and fearsome, my mood swiftly rebounded to sadness and remorse.
Now that I had proved to Bella how dangerous I was, I wanted desperately

unreasonably

for her to disreg
ard it, to trust me, to feel safe with me.
“Don’t be afraid,” I begged, knowing it was far too much to ask. “I promise...” but
the word felt wholly inadequate, “...I
swear
not to hurt you.” If I said the words with
enough certainty, perhaps I could make them t
rue forever.
“Don’t be afraid,” I whispered again, craving to re
–
enter that space close to her. I
moved as cautiously as I could, crossed my legs and sank to the ground, still watching her
eyes, which were now a mere twelve inches from my own.
“Please
forgive me.” The gentleman I had been as a human re
–
emerged. “I
can
control myself. You caught me off guard. But I’m on my best behavior now.”
Bella remained as silent and inscrutable as the moon. I tried again.
“I’m not thirsty today, honestly.” I winked
at her, enlisting all of my charm to
disrupt her rigid immobility. It worked. She laughed a subdued, shaky laugh.
“Are you all right?” I inquired in my gentlest voice, seizing the opportunity to place
my hand carefully back in hers. I awaited her verdict,
searching her face for a sign, a
yea
or
a
nay
. She looked at my hand, then up at my eyes, then back down at my hand. Finally, her
index finger resumed stroking my palm. The corners of her mouth rose slightly and she
looked up at me with absolution. My hear
t soared

she’d forgiven me.
After a long pause, I asked, “So where were we before I behaved so rudely?” I
wished to return to that magical moment before the beast in me had surfaced.
“I honestly can’t remember,” she admitted. I had frightened it from her m
ind.
I was ashamed, but my curiosity had not lessened and, of course, I had not forgotten
a thing.
“I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason.”
As if that weren’t enough cause to stay away from me.
“Oh, right,” Bella a
nswered, but offered no more.
Impatient, I prodded, “Well?”
Bella continued to stroke random lines across my palm. I could have shut my eyes
and sunk back into the amazing sensation of it, but my need to know her fears overrode the
desire. Still, she remai
ned silent.
“How easily frustrated I am,” I admitted sadly. It was a human discomfort I found
hard to bear. She took pity on me.
“I was afraid...because for well, obvious reasons, I can’t
stay
with you. And I’m
afraid that I’d like to stay with you, much mor
e than I should.”
She couldn’t meet my eyes and I realized then how difficult it had been for her to
admit this. It was certainly a valid fear. I could barely breathe, though, with the thrill of
hearing her say the words

she wanted to be with me! If she t
ruly wanted me, I would
suffer anything, bear anything, to make it come true! But it had to be her choice and she had
to fully comprehend the danger. And it was wrong of me to want her to choose me. I knew
that.
I selected my words carefully. “Yes, that i
s something to be afraid of, indeed.
Wanting to be with me. That’s really not in your best interest.” I forced myself to continueto tell her the truth as I knew it.
“I should have left long ago. I should leave now. But I don’t know if I can.”

[مورا اسامة]

“I don’t wa
nt you to leave.” I heard the sadness in her voice.
“Which is exactly why I should.”
Someone here should be strong enough to protect
you from me...and from yourself,
I thought. “But don’t worry. I’m essentially a selfish
creature. I crave your company too mu
ch to do what I should.”
“I’m glad.”
“Don’t be!” My better nature struggled to assert itself and I returned my hand to my
side. “It’s not only your company I crave! Never forget
that.
Never forget that I am more
dangerous to you than I am to anyone else.”
Must I tell her this? She
will
run away from
me, screaming.
“I don’t think I understand exactly what you mean

by that last part anyway.”
No, how could she? I smiled at the rarity of such a conversation. But I must answer
all her questions. I must not withh
old any information as vital as this.
“How do I explain? And without frightening you again...hmmmm.” I noticed my
right hand move back into hers of its own accord. She grasped it with both of her hands. I
wanted her never to let go. “That’s amazingly pleasan
t, the warmth.” I could be happy just
sitting here for days with my hand in hers. But the explanation. I owed it to her.
“You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice
cream, others prefer strawberry?”
She nodded.
I suddenl
y regretted my choice of words. “Sorry about the food analogy

I
couldn’t think of another way to explain.”
She let me off the hook with a gracious smile. I returned it, chagrined.
“You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you lo
cked an
alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he’d gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished
to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let’s say you placed in that room a glass of
hundred
–
year
–
old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac

and filled th
e room with its warm
aroma

how do you think he would fare then?”
I paused, allowing her to come to her own conclusions and trying to gauge her
reaction. Her eyes were asking questions, more questions. I pressed on, willing her to
understand something that was possibly beyond a human’s comprehension.
“Maybe that’s not t
he right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down
the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead.”
“So what you’re saying is, I’m your brand of heroin?” She offered me an
unflinching smile and I was exceedingly grat
eful. She understood.
“Yes, you are
exactly
my brand of heroin.”
“Does that happen often?”
This was a question I couldn’t answer with any certainty. There weren’t many
vampires who had the relevant experience and even fewer of whom I could ask such a
sensi
tive question.
“I spoke to my brothers about it,” I told her, reviewing their responses in my mind.
“To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He’s the most recent to join our family. It’s
a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn’t had time to gr
ow sensitive to the differences in
smell, in flavor.” The word escaped before I had considered its effect on my audience.
“Sorry,” I apologized with a quick look to see how Bella responded to my words.
She was generous. “I don’t mind,” she answered my que
stioning eyes. “Please
don’t worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That’s the way you
think; I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can.”
Bella’s equanimity on this subject was startling, but appreciated.
I inhaled deeply,
then gathered my thoughts.
“So, Jasper wasn’t sure if he’d ever come across someone who was as”

how
could I say this delicately?

“
appealing
as you are to me. Which makes me think not.
Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, a
nd he understood what I meant. He
says twice, for him, once stronger than the other.”
“And for you?” Bella inquired.
“Never.” Which would help explain my extreme discomposure when I first caught
her scent. I recalled the shock as if it were today, but it w
as a memory I couldn’t afford to
replay when in Bella’s presence. It was much too dangerous.
My thoughts had wandered in their own direction for a moment, so Bella’s next
question caught me by surprise.
“What did Emmett do?”
Immediately, I recalled the s
cene that ran through Emmett’s mind when he’d told
me the story. Reviewing his experience was almost as dangerous as reliving my own. I
turned my face away from Bella and locked my muscles down to prevent myself from
reacting instinctively to Emmett’s memo
ry. I waited while the urges lessened, then cleared
I guess I know,” Bella admitted.

How it pained me now that I had revealed this information about Emmett to Bella!
Emmett, like all of my family, was in that rare tenth of one percent or so of vampires
who
even
attempted
to modify their eating habits. We were the most humane of our kind. The
fact that even we had made such mistakes and taken human lives revealed how truly
damned we all were. I wished now that I could erase the memory of Emmett’s blunder
from her mind.
“Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don’t we?”
“What are you asking? My permission?” Her words cut me to the bone. I felt the
misery in them. “I mean, is there no hope then?”
“No, no!” Regret coursed through me at the implication
I had made. “Of course,
there’s hope! I mean, of course I won’t...” My words trailed off, but she knew what I
meant.
Was it really a promise I could keep? I believed so, or at least I hoped so. Wanting
to be as honest as possible, I recognized suddenly that
I was still unsure about my ability to
control myself. But when I thought about where I was now, with the feelings I had for
Bella, it became clearer that something had already changed in my basic makeup.
I tried to explain. “It’s different for us. Emmet
t...these were strangers he happened
across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn’t as...practiced, as careful, as he is now.” I
waited to gauge her reaction to my backpedaling.
“So if we’d met...oh, in a dark alley or something...,” she abandoned the sentence.
We
both seemed determined to avoid the actual words.
Telling the absolute truth at this juncture was excruciating, but perhaps more vital
than it ever had been before. I forced myself to continue.
“It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of tha
t class of children and

”
Too vulgar.
I started again. “When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle
has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn’t been denying my thirst for the last, well, too
many years, I wouldn’t have been a
ble to stop myself.” The memory of that near disaster
galled me. “You must have thought I was possessed.”
“I couldn’t understand why. How you could hate me so quickly...” It was the first
time she had revealed her pain in that moment.
I tried to explain. “To
me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned
straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin...I
thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred
different ways to lure you
from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each
back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I
could speak the words that would make you follow....” I peered into her eyes as my words
entered her
consciousness and struck their mark.
“You would have come.” I knew this as surely as I knew my name. The ability to
seduce was one of our weapons.
“Without a doubt,” Bella conceded and I wondered how
she
knew that.
But there was even more to the story and she was still sitting here with me. It was
my duty to continue to the bitter end. I dropped my eyes in shame.
“And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you,
you were there

in th
at close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly
took you then. There was only one other frail human there

so easily dealt with.” The
worst had been said. Now just the fallout remained.
I glanced up. Remarkably, Bella, though shiverin
g, stayed where she was. Perhaps
she was too afraid to run. I continued.
“But I resisted. I don’t know how. I forced myself
not
to wait outside for you,
not
to
follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn’t smell you anymore, to
think c
learly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home

I was too ashamed to
tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong

and then I went
straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving.”
Bella’s eyes grew wid
e and her mouth slackened, but I pressed on.
“I traded cars with him

he had a full tank of gas and I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t
dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn’t have let me go without a scene. She would
have tried to convince me that it
wasn’t necessary...”
“By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old
acquaintances....but I was homesick. I hated knowing I’d upset Esme, and the rest of them,
my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to belie
ve you were so
irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I’d dealt with temptation before,
not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant
little girl”

the word amused me now

“to chase me from the pl
ace I wanted to be? So I
came back....”
“I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I
was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about
it.”
“It was unquestionably a complication tha
t I couldn’t simply read your thoughts to
know what your reaction was to me. I wasn’t used to having to go to such circuitous
measures, listening to your words in Jessica’s mind...her mind isn’t very original, and it
was annoying to have to stoop to that. An
d then I couldn’t know if you really meant what
you said. It was all extremely irritating.” How clearly I remembered that feeling. I had it
still.
“I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with
you like I would wit
h any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your
thoughts. But you were too interesting. I found myself caught up in your expressions...and
every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would
stun me
again....”
“Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later, I
thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment

because if I hadn’t
saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don’t think I c
ould have
stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later.
At the time, all I could think was, ‘Not her’.”
I had completely relinquished control of my words and allowed them to flow
however they would, to lay everyt
hing out before this angel and let her face the devil in me.
Whatever she thought, however she responded, it was all in her hands. I would fulfill my
duty.
She gently pushed me to continue. “In the hospital?”
I looked her in the eyes and said, “I was appal
led. I couldn’t believe I had put us in
danger after all, put myself in your power

you of all people. As if I needed another
motive to kill you.” The baldness of that word in this peaceful place felt sacrilegious. I
hurried on...
“But it had the opposite eff
ect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when
they suggested that now was the time...the worst fight we’ve ever had. Carlisle sided with
me, and Alice.”
Though Alice still saw you dead in my arms or changed at my hand.
“Esme told me to do whatever I
had to in order to stay.”
Then I thought of something that I couldn’t say out loud, but the inference was easy