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17-08-15, 03:21 PM | #1 | ||||||
مشرفة وكاتبة قسم ستفاني ماير وكاتبة وقاصة وساحرة واحة الأسمر بقلوب أحلام ونجمة خمن الرواية وشاعرة ونبضٌ متألّق في القسم الأدبي وبطلة اتقابلنا فين ؟
| تكملة رواية شمس منتصف الليل بالانجليزيه حصريا لروايتى*مكتمله برابط للتحميل* مساء الخير على احلى عضوات كتير سأل عن تكملة رواية شمس منتصف الليل للكاتبة ستيفانى ماير وكلنا ترقبنا التكملة اليوم اضع بين ايديكم الرواية وقد اخيرااا تمت تكملة الرواية باللغة الانجليزيه على ان نعدكم بترجمتها قريبا بإذن الله عن طريق مترجمات قسم ستيفانى ماير المبدعين الروايه قام بتكملتها الكاتب PA Lassiter صورة الغلاف لمحبى الرواية بلغتها الاساسيه اليكم الفصول بالانجيليزيه Midnight Sun, Part II للقراءة . . للتحميل اضغط التعديل الأخير تم بواسطة مورا اسامة ; 20-08-15 الساعة 06:19 PM | ||||||
17-08-15, 03:25 PM | #2 | ||||||
مشرفة وكاتبة قسم ستفاني ماير وكاتبة وقاصة وساحرة واحة الأسمر بقلوب أحلام ونجمة خمن الرواية وشاعرة ونبضٌ متألّق في القسم الأدبي وبطلة اتقابلنا فين ؟
| Midnight Sun, Part II It was well after midnight when I found myself slipping through Bella’s window. This was becoming a habit that, in the light of day, I knew I should attempt to curb. But after nighttime fell and I had hunted for though these visits might be irresponsible, I was determined they not be reckless all of my resolve quickly faded. There she lay, the sheet and blanket coiled around her restless body, her feet bound up o utside the covers. I inhaled deeply through my nose, welcoming the searing pain that coursed down my throat. As always, Bella’s bedroom was warm and humid and saturated with her scent. Venom flowed into my mouth and my muscles tensed in readiness. But for what? Could I ever train my body to give up this devilish reaction to my beloved’s smell? I feared not. Cautiously, I held my breath and moved to her bedside. I untangled the bedclothes and spread them carefully over her again. She twitched suddenly, her l egs scissoring as she rolled to her other side. I froze. “Edward,” she breathed. “Please.” The thrill of hearing her call my name had not diminished. If only I could know what she wished of me. I would do almost anything to give her what she wanted. My fingers burned at the memory of touching her skin. The sensation flashed up my arm and across my chest, causing me to inhale sharply. The breath carried the electric burn through my midsection and lower, spreading downward in a rush. Aaahhh ...the pain, the p leasure...a confusing mixture. Hastily, I retreated to the corner rocking chair to calm myself. A new level of urgency had been unleashed in my body. The electrical charge between Bella and myself continued to awaken my dormant human side. Our plans for Sat urday began to seem more and more reckless as I measured my growing desires against Alice’s visions. How selfish would I prove to be when I had Bella alone, with no witnesses to curb my appetites? It was a mistake, a huge mistake, even to consider pursuing this path it was taunting the monster. Bella’s breath quickened and she spoke, “I’m okay...miss you.” The endless rain drummed on the roof. Neither of us was at peace tonight. As usual, the hours passed like minutes as I sat, fascinated, watching her eyel ids flutter, her hands twitch, her feet kick. I heard my name several times, but the context was unclear. Once she softly said, “Perfect,” and I longed to know her dream. As dawn approached, Bella seemed to relax and settle. I tread silently to her bedside , tidied her covers, then carefully...so carefully...pulled a wayward lock of hair away from her eyes and smoothed it behind her ear. Resisting the urge to stroke her creamy white cheek, I thrust my restless hands into the pockets of my trousers and stepped ba ck. Recalling an earlier curiosity, I knelt on the floor and examined the stack of books lying near her bed. Bronte’s Wuthering Heights, a trio of Shakespeare’s plays, the compendium of Jane Austen novels which had frustrated her that afternoon outside, a book of Flannery O’Connor short stories, and Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury. I reco gnized several titles from the j unior’s English reading list, but noted the others she had collected. She seemed to prefer classic authors closer to my era than her own. I shuffled through a stack of CDs sitting on her bedside table, smiling to learn we had musical, as well as يتبع [/SIZE] التعديل الأخير تم بواسطة مورا اسامة ; 17-08-15 الساعة 09:51 PM | ||||||
17-08-15, 03:28 PM | #3 | ||||||
مشرفة وكاتبة قسم ستفاني ماير وكاتبة وقاصة وساحرة واحة الأسمر بقلوب أحلام ونجمة خمن الرواية وشاعرة ونبضٌ متألّق في القسم الأدبي وبطلة اتقابلنا فين ؟
| 266 الصفحة P.A. Lassiter Twilight: The Missing Pieces Midnight Sun, Part II 267 P.A. Lassiter Twilight: The Missing Pieces night. Oops, don’t startle her. I slowed my hand, but allowed myself to smooth her hair behind her shoulder, unveiling her face. Her tantalizing scent wafted through the close air. I inhaled deeply and flinched at the scorching of my throat. At Forks High School, I pulled the Volvo into an empty space and turned off the engine. “What music is in your CD player right now?” My question was disingenuous , since I’d pee ked last night. She named the hard – rock CD I played whe never I needed to blast away my own thoughts or those of others around me. On that awful afternoon, back from Alaska, when I’d fled biology class to escape the temptation of Bella’s blood, I had huddled in my car blasting this CD to drown out the monster. I wondered if Bella had been drowning out demons of her own this music was so different from anything else she owned. I pulled my copy of the CD from under my seat and smiled at her, hoping she might comment on the coincidence. “Debussy to this?” I questio ned, but Bella kept her thoughts to herself as we exited the car and walked to class. Time had begun to feel short. It was impossible to see how we could move forward together with Bella under constant threat. Not only did she risk her life every time she was with me, but she also risked her chance for a normal human life by entangling herself with mine. I couldn’t give her what she deserved and I so easily could take away everything. But I was hopelessly smitten. I could not stop myself from walking this treacherous path. I hoped (and feared) that we would soon get our answer, perhaps as early as Saturday. Either we would find some way to move forward, at least for a while, or this relationship would end, perhaps badly. It all depended on my ability to co ntrol my basest, and most powerful, inclinations. There was so much I wanted to know and only two more days to get answers before things surely would change. Setting to the task, I started by asking about the movies and books she loved and those she disli ked, the stories serving as shorthand for her views on real – world themes. She showed a preference for stories with strong female characters, those who wanted to control their own destinies, and stories with strong moral messages, though her morality didn’t seem to follow any traditional set of beliefs that I could identify. She also seemed to favor themes of self – determination and struggle against stultifying realities. She loved Romeo & Juliet , though that couple foolishly perished in their attempt to defy societal rules. I already knew that Bella was a good person, brave, self – sacrificing, and kind, but she inexplicably loved Wuthering Heights , whose characters embodied the opposite traits. I asked her about her preferences in food, flowers, friends, scho ol subjects, and vacation destinations. I inquired about her favorite teachers, sports, gemstones, and scents. The latter three topics each drew a blush to her face and her subsequent silences tormented me. I couldn’t tolerate not knowing why she was embar rassed. I pressed the questions until she admitted that her preference for topaz and onyx coincided with the dichotomous colors of my “dazzling” eyes. Her answer pleased me, but I was immediately annoyed at my pleasure. She disliked participating in sports due to her perceived clumsiness and ineptitude at physical activities. When I asked her about her favorite scent, she inexplicably flushed crimson and refused to answer. Stubborn, stubborn girl. Each tidbit of knowledge was precious to me. I carefully fil ed her answers away for Midnight Sun, Part II 268 P.A. Lassiter Twilight: The Missing Pieces later examination. Today was the day for collecting information I could weigh and sort through it all while I watched her sleep. It irritated me when the school bell interrupted my interrogations and we had to hurry to separate clas ses. Over lunch, caught up in my questions, I was able (mostly) to tune out Rosalie’s silent screeching and hurling of insults idiot! fool! traitor! and Alice’s recent, disturbing visions, which I would prove wrong. Right now, I only wanted to think abo ut today and tomorrow, the hours remaining to me before Saturday the Saturday but traitorous thoughts that Alice might be right tormented me . I could only pray, if God even heard the blasphemies of my wretched kind, that Bella would live to see Sunday. Ba nish the thought! I commanded myself. More questions! Perhaps the questions would distract me from all my doubts and fears. I focused intently on the list in my head and continued collecting Bella’s answers. “Do you participate in religious activities?” “No, though Charlie considers himself Lutheran and Renee’s traveled all over the spiritual map. I don’t feel connected to any particular religion or group. It’s never interested me much.” “Did you go to summer camp?” “Once, with the Girl Scouts. It was a nightmare, literally. Sleeping in the woods does not improve the quality of my dreams.” It didn’t seem to matter what I asked her. Her answers were always fascinating, and led to more questions with more fascinating answers. I was so involved with our dialog that I forgot about the second installment of Lorenzo’s Oil that Mr. Banner was setting up in biology . Yesterday had proved an interesting exercise in control a different kind of control than I was used to practicing. Toda y, I scooted my chair farther away from Bella’s when the lights went out. No mistakes! Even at this distance, the heat of Bella’s body warmed my skin, her scent engulfed me, and her magnetic pull urged me closer. When she looked up and caught my eye, I fel t a jolt of electricity shoot between us and form a charged connection. Her heart seemed to be beating in my chest and my breath sped up to match the cadence of hers. My hands craved...ached...to touch her. I began forming arguments to justify my desire. Hold ing her hand wouldn’t hurt her, and would prevent me from stroking her hair...or curving my palm around her cheek...or...touching her waist...or... Ahhh! I had to exert a concentrated effort to keep myself and my chair where they were. I crossed my arms, clenched my fists, and sat utterly still. It seemed Bella was faring no better than I, leaning forward onto the tabletop with her chin resting on her arms. Her fingers were white with the pressure of gripping the table’s edge. The problem with touching Bella was t he escalation of desire. One touch increased my longing for the next, and the next, which opened the door to even greater, more dangerous cravings. I remembered the burning in my hand and the jolt of electricity through my body. The blazing thirst was seco ndary now, distracted as I was by the softness of her pale skin, the thick tresses of her hair pooling on the tabletop, the delicate pink bow of her lips... Escalation, yes, that was clearly the problem. | ||||||
17-08-15, 03:31 PM | #4 | ||||||
مشرفة وكاتبة قسم ستفاني ماير وكاتبة وقاصة وساحرة واحة الأسمر بقلوب أحلام ونجمة خمن الرواية وشاعرة ونبضٌ متألّق في القسم الأدبي وبطلة اتقابلنا فين ؟
| 269 وهكذا انتهى الفصل ال 11 وانتظرو الفصل الثانى عشر غدا بإذن الله التعديل الأخير تم بواسطة مورا اسامة ; 17-08-15 الساعة 05:42 PM | ||||||
17-08-15, 09:01 PM | #5 | ||||||
مشرفة وكاتبة قسم ستفاني ماير وكاتبة وقاصة وساحرة واحة الأسمر بقلوب أحلام ونجمة خمن الرواية وشاعرة ونبضٌ متألّق في القسم الأدبي وبطلة اتقابلنا فين ؟
| الفصل الثالث عشر 13. BALANCIN Fuming, I sped away through the back streets of Forks until it occurred to me that it would be better to know what Billy Black had to say to Charlie than not. I turned my attention back toward Bella’s house and looked for her image. There she was, approaching her front door through the eyes of someone following behind. It had to be Jacob. He had a crystal clear mental voice, deeper in tone than I had expected. I watched as Bella reached under the eaves to retrieve a spare key and unlock the front door. I pulled my car to the curb a safe distance away to eavesdrop. Bella had led Jacob to the kitchen where she was working at the stove while he watched. Rather than listen for his father’s voice, as I had intended to do, I couldn’t resist watchi ng Bella instead. Jacob was distinctly curious. “Is something wrong with the truck?” he asked. “No,” she replied curtly, avoiding his probing eyes. This was the Jacob who’d let Bella in on our secret unknowingly, since he didn’t believe the legends. Neve rtheless, it was still a violation of our treaty with the Quileute Her flirting had definitely had an effect on him he held more than a passing interest in Bella. He persisted. “Oh. I just wondered because you weren’t driving it.” Bella kept her back to him and replied, “I got a ride with a friend.” Friend, indeed. Irritation crackled through me, as I realized she did not want to tell him about me. Why not? “Nice ride. I didn’t recognize the driver, though. I thought I knew most of the kids around here.” Did I detect jealousy in his words? Is that what sparked the fury I felt toward him as well? Why was he questioning Bella, anyway? What did he want? When Bella failed to reply, Jacob went on, “My dad seemed to know him from somewhere.” Bella continued to dodge his implied questions. “Jacob, could you hand me some plates? They’re in the cupboard over the sink.” How well I knew that technique! Jacob was not going to let it drop. Annoying as it was, I rather admired his persistence. “Sure. So who was it?” Bella sighed heavily and finally gave in.Edward Cullen" ,” she admitted. Once again, I thrilled to the sound of my name on her tongue. Jacob seemed unfazed. He laughed and said, “Guess that explains it, then. I wondered why my dad was acting so strange.” Though Jacob didn’t believe the old stories about us, his father knew from his own father that they were true. That’s right ,” Bella said, pretending unconvincingly that she didn’t remember the vampire story Jacob had told her. “ He doesn’t like the Cul lens .” That was the understatement of the year. “Superstitious old man.” Jacob seemed embarrassed. So he thought none the worse of us at least.“ You don’t think he’d say anything to Charlie?” Bella blurted out. So Bella doesn’t want her dad to know that she’s hanging around with this Edward Cullen. I wonder why, Jacob thought. Hmm...surely, she’s not serious about him. Is she? “I doubt it,” Jacob finally responded to Bella’s question. “ Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven’t spoken much since tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don’t think he’d bring it up again.” I had to give Charlie credit for disregarding the gossip and rumors about the Cullens. To be sure, Carlisle is impressive by anyone’s standards, and no doubt Charlie had met him more than a few times in the hospital emergency room, where he was always at his best. I cringed, reminded of my cruelty to Bella at the hospital. It had seemed necessary at the time to protect my family from her knowledge that I was not an ordinary human being she had seen me lift Tyler’s van with one hand, after all. And I regretted being unforgivably rude to her for several weeks afterward in an attempt to protect her from my insatiable interest. In hindsight, the first effort had been ent irely unnecessary Bella had never told anyone anything and the second, an utter failure. So much for controlling fate. Bella seemed acutely uncomfortable with Billy Black in her home and I didn’t fully understand why. Billy wouldn’t dare divulge what he knew about us to Charlie. He would never break the treaty his grandfather had made with my family seventy odd years ago. Surely Bella knew that. So perhaps she just didn’t want her father to know about me, period. My heart sank at the thought. If I were hu man, she would have no reason to be ashamed of me. Or maybe she just thought her father would disapprove. Seriously, Edward, what father wouldn’t? I had to smile at the thought, but it was a sad smile. I left then, no longer concerned about Billy Black tu rning Charlie against me. I was a little troubled by Jacob, though. It seemed I had yet another rival for Bella’s affections. I had a few hours to kill before Bella and Charlie went to bed and I could safely creep in through Bella’s window. I decided to go find Alice. Though I dreaded seeing her visions of Saturday, I also wanted to be prepared for the worst. Jessica and therefore, Mike (and probably the rest of the lunch gang as well) knew that Bella would be spending the day with me. It wasn’t necessary that they know where we were going just knowing we were together was enough insurance for Bella’s safety. Should Bella not return, my entire family would be in danger from the townspeople, then the authorities, and eventually through too much publicity ..ou r vampire law enforcers, the Volturi. Of course, the worst possible consequence for me, if things went badly, would be her death. Were I to hurt Bella, I would wish for my own swift death. Still, I could not endanger my family. Alice was waiting for me o n the porch as I drove up. Yes, I’ll take a walk with you, she thought before I had asked the question We walked around the house toward the Sol Duc River that separated our home from the deep forest adjacent to Olympic National Park. I leaped سيتبع التعديل الأخير تم بواسطة مورا اسامة ; 17-08-15 الساعة 09:59 PM | ||||||
17-08-15, 09:05 PM | #7 | ||||||
مشرفة وكاتبة قسم ستفاني ماير وكاتبة وقاصة وساحرة واحة الأسمر بقلوب أحلام ونجمة خمن الرواية وشاعرة ونبضٌ متألّق في القسم الأدبي وبطلة اتقابلنا فين ؟
| his medical service to humans no longer taxed him. Esme filled him with a joy and love that spilled over in an endless font. He was truly happy. We lived as a family and spent our days together, but when nighttime came, they celebrated each other. Though I tried to give them privacy, it was next to impossible. Their thoughts and images of one another popped into my head no matter how I tried to block them. I frequently resorted to traveling far afield to hunt or to pursue my own interests. Then Carlisle discovered Rosalie, broken and dying in the street. Out of compassion, he changed her, and then there were four of us. I’d known Rosalie Hale as a human teenager. She was the town prize, daughter of a banker, beautiful and wealthy. Boys wanted her and girls wanted to be her. She was haughty and self absorbed before her death, and desperately bitter and unhappy afterwards. She took particular exception to me because I had been unmov ed by her charms. Rosalie was not easy to love. Still, nighttime was less lonely with someone to talk to and quarrel with. Our relationship was often difficult, but Carlisle and Esme embraced Rosalie, despite her bitterness and pain. Two years later, Rosa lie found Emmett, and I returned to my solitary nights. I pursued my studies and various diversions. I followed Carlisle’s example and studied medicine, though I never attempted a hands on practice. Humans were not interesting to me except in theory, and t he discomfort of being near their heated breath and pulsing blood removed any desire I might have had to become a doctor. Emmett was a godsend. He changed all of our lives, but especially Rosalie’s. He soothed her resentment and taught her to love in spite of herself. He made us all laugh and lightened every difficult situation, eased every transition and every uprooting. He was constant and caring, large and loud. Everything he did, he did with gusto, and without reservation. We fought and played and laugh ed, and he pulled me out of myself. He was the only brother I had ever known. We carried on. My days were spent with family and my nights were spent alone. True to Emmett’s nature, he and Rosalie shared a noisy, boisterous, physical love. Their coupling sh ook walls and collapsed roofs. It was so disturbing that Carlisle and Esme encouraged them to live apart from us, though nearby. Of course, they couldn’t live apart from my head. Emmett, especially, was easier to read than anyone I had known. His thoughts had no protection, no masks, no subterfuge. Without realizing it, I learned about a man’s love for a woman...again, in theory. I couldn’t understand a lot of his feelings for Rosalie. They did not resonate with anything I had ever felt. Alice and Jasper brou ght with them more of the same a perfectly matched pair, sharing a world unto themselves. Their thought patterns were different than either Carlisle and Esme’s or Emmett and Rosalie’s. They were knit tightly together, perhaps because of the terrible trauma s they both had suffered in their previous lives, or maybe because of their special talents. As for me, I was still the odd man out, but Alice became the best friend I’d ever had. We both lived with many others in our heads me, reading their thoughts, and Alice seeing visions of their futures. It was disabling in some ways and made blending into human society more difficult. Jasper also had become disabled as a human predator. Where I had heard my victims’ thoughts before killing them the good and the ba d, the pathos and the cruelty Jasper had felt his victims’ feelings. Both of us would have gone mad if we hadn’t stopped killing humans. Drinking a human’s blood was also next to impossible for Alice, who, all the while she was feeding, would see her vict im’s potential future fade before her eyes. But none of these connections with my family had prepared me for what I now felt for Bella. My feelings went far beyond the familial love that I had known. I became a moon in her orbit, iron to her magnet, a rive r to her sea. Every part of me was unalterably drawn toward her. Nighttime is when I noticed the changes most, the time that heretofore was my own, when mates turn to each other and I had always turned inward. Since beginning my nocturnal visits to Bella’ s room, the old loneliness stands in high relief to the fullness of my present feelings. Now that it’s gone, I truly understand what loneliness is. I can never return to who I was before, now that I know what I know. I am forever altered It made me happy just to stand in a corner or sit in Bella’s rocking chair and watch her sleep to see her chest rise and fall, to watch her restless eyes follow the pictures in her dreams, and to be a ready audience for her words. She was quiet tonight, peaceful, though sh e still spoke a few words. “Green,” she said abruptly about halfway through the night. I wondered if our long conversation about Phoenix had made her homesick for the brown of the desert. To soothe her mind, I softly sang her lullaby and she grew quiet. As dawn approached, she became restless again and began to speak. “Edward,” she whispered. My heart soared. Some time later, she began to moan and mumble. The words were mostly unintelligible until she said, “Kiss me.” Dare I hope that it was me she wanted to kiss? Was it possible? In our darkened biology lab, it had seemed like she was fighting the same urge t o reach for me as I was for her. Also, I’d seen her hand twitch toward mine once or twice in the school parking lot before she’d snatched it back. And the electric current flowing between us was palpable. But to kiss her? My own desire was abundantly clea r. Whenever I looked at her full lips, I longed to touch them, to trace their outline with my fingertips, to feel their soft heat against my cool skin. I wanted to press my lips to other parts of her too: her eyelids, her cheekbones, the line of her jaw, t he base of her throat, and lower, along her collar bones and the gentle curves below. Bella suddenly shifted in her bed and her unconscious movement jerked me sharply from my fantasy. With a shock, I found that I had moved across the room to Bella’s bedsi de and was slowing lowering my face toward hers. I flung myself backwards and hit the far wall with a thud. My breathing was fast and ragged. If I had had a working heart, it would have been pounding like a drum. I froze where I landed and listened for sou nds from Charlie’s room. There was no disruption in his snoring pattern and I gradually relaxed my vigilance. Bella rolled over in her sleep. As I looked toward her still slumbering face, my breathing began to quicken again. What had I almost done? Was Be lla safe from me? With mounting concern, I realized that I didn’t know the answer to those questions. Without a doubt, my desire for her contained an element of blood lust...perhaps a lot of blood lust. But it wasn’t torturing me as it would have just two sh ort weeks ago. To be here in this overheated room amidst clouds of her sweet fragrance should have overwhelmed me, but it didn’t. The burn was there, but it was tolerable. I was starting to wonder whether I should be worrying more about my desire for phys ical contact in its myriad forms. These new cravings were more difficult to control in a way. I wasn’t accustomed to this kind of desire and it kept catching me by surprise. I was acting on impulse before I even knew what I was doing. I must be careful...ver y, very careful. I clasped my hands together in a belated attempt to prevent their wandering. Just then, Bella spoke, soft and clear: “I love you, Edward.” My heart leaped with joy! She loved me! Was it true? It shouldn’t be true. It was not safe for Bella to have these strong feelings for me. I would hurt her...one way or another, I would hurt her. But I refused to dwell on that now. I blocked the thought from my mind so I could revel in my elation She. Loved. Me As dawn began to break, I made my exit from Bella’s room and sprinted home. I didn’t want to be separated from her for a second longer than necessary. As usual, Alice saw me coming and was sitting outside on the porch steps. She smiled knowingly as I walked by and my wide smile met hers. Can I meet her now, Edward? I sighed. “Yes, Alice, I will introduce you at lunch. Do you want to take the afternoon off and go hunting with me? I need to prepare for our outing tomorrow.” Yes, of course, Edward. Wouldn’t miss it. She grinned and I went ins ide to change my clothes. Bella would need her own vehicle to drive herself home from school today, but I could not resist picking her up anyway. Though it took only a few minutes to drive from her house to the high school, they were minutes I cherished. I positioned my car on Bella’s street past her house, far enough along that Charlie wouldn’t notice me when he left. As he drove around the corner, I rolled forward to Bella’s curb. We were playing a little game. She made a habit of rushing out the front d oor as soon as Charlie was gone, but no matter how quickly she appeared, I was always parked and waiting for her. Today, I was quick enough to kill the engine and roll down the windows as if I’d been sitting there for an hour. Her eyes widened when she saw me, and she approached the car laughing. “How did you sleep?” I asked disingenuously, suppressing a grin. “Fine. How was your night?” she countered. “Pleasant,” I said, unable to hide my amusement. If she only knew just how pleasant! She eyed my expression with suspicion . “Can I ask what you did? You can ask..., I thought, chuckling. Aloud, I said, “No. Today is still mine.” As we rode to school, I continued with my questioning. I knew from her dreams that she missed her mother, Renee. I wanted to know more about Renee. Was she anything like Bella? I had already identified many similarities between Bella and her father: their taciturnity, their seriousness, their sense of responsibility, their tempers. She had implied that her mother was very different flighty, intuitive, impulsive, somewhat out of touch with the realities of everyday living. That helped explain Bella’s maturity. But what was their life together like? How did they relate to each other? What did they do together? I looked forward to meeti ng Renee. Between classes, I turned my questions to a topic about which I was extremely curious Bella’s romantic history. How many boyfriends had Bella had before she came to Forks? What were they like? Did she keep in touch? And especially, how did they c ompare to me? I wanted to know what distant rivals I might have. Even as that thought occurred to me, I knew by the sharp pang in my chest that it was wrong... very wrong...to view myself as competition for any human boy. True to form, I forged ahead anyway.“ Did you date a lot in Phoenix?” I asked Bella, trying to sound casual. “No,” she replied. Though I was impatient with her short answer, I tried to keep my tone level. I wanted to know every detail about every one of them! Clearly, she was not eager to talk about it and that made me even more curious. “How often did you go out?” I kept the ques tion generic, hoping to elicit more information while masking my intense curiosity. Her prolonged hesitation frustrated me. Finally, she looked down at her hands and replied, “Uh...never.” An appealing blush colored her cheeks. “You never went out?” I respon ded in disbelief. I couldn’t let her dodge the question and that blush had to mean something “No, never.” I was baffled, but my heart soared with hope. Could it be that Bella had never said “yes” to anyone until now, until me? Was that possible? “So, yo u never met anyone you wanted?” I pressed, even more anxious for details. Bella refused to elaborate. “Not in Phoenix,” she said. So what did that mean? Was there someone here in Forks she’d been interested in? Who? Tell me it wasn’t that weasel, Newton! I suppressed a growl. Crowley? Yorkie? Jacob Black? Someone else I hadn’t yet met? How she frustrated me! I decided to end this line of questioning and address our plans for tomorrow. “I should have let you drive yourself today,” I told her. “Why?” She rai sed her tone slightly. Annoyed? Angry? “I’m leaving with Alice after lunch.” “Oh,” she said, her face falling. She was disappointed! Would she miss me? “That’s okay,” she continued. “It’s not that far of a walk.” How could she imagine that I would be so u nchivalrous? She must not think very highly of me after all. “I’m not going to make you walk home. We’ll go get your truck and leave it here for you.” “I don’t have my key with me” she s…a…id, as if that were some kind of deterrent to me. “I really don’t mi nd walking.” I refused to budge. “Your truck will be here and the key will be in the ignition unless you’re afraid someone might steal it.” I laughed at my own joke. “All right,” she finally conceded. I knew she was wondering how I would retrieve her truc k without the keys. How little faith she had in me. Or...how little she knew of my wily ways. “So where are you going?” she asked, seeming not all that interested. I hated to admit my weakness, but I had to be honest. “Hunting. If I’m going to be alone wit h you tomorrow, I’m going to take whatever precautions I can.” Remembering last night’s incident, a wave of concern for Bella’s safety washed over me and took my confidence with it. “You can always cancel, you know.” She should cancel, of course. Could s he see that in my eyes? She dropped her head and whispered, “No, I can’t.” Then she raised her eyes and peered sadly into my face. Backwards instincts, again. “Perhaps you’re right,” I replied. But ..I could. And I should to protect her from herself as well as from me! But I was not strong enough or perhaps, not good enough to say the words out loud. My selfishness knew no bounds. “What time will I see you tomorrow?” she asked. Why did she sound sad? “That depends...it’s a Saturday, don’t you want to sleep in?” “No . ” Her forceful response amused and gladdened me. “The same time as usual, then. Will Charlie be there?” I hoped so. A witness. “No, he’s fishing tomorrow.” She grinned widely as if this were a good thing. “And if you don’t come home, what will he think?” I barked, my worry automatically compensating for her seeming lack of concern. Why wasn’t she afraid? “I have no idea,” she continued. “He knows I’ve been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he’ll think I fell in the washer.” So she refused to tell C harlie that we’d be together! That angered me in more ways than one and I glared at her. She responded with her own kittenish anger and attempted to stare me down. I almost laughed. “What are you hunting tonight?” she asked calmly, as if this were an ordin ary, everyday conversation. “Whatever we find in the park. We aren’t going far.” It was impossible to stay angry with her. “Why are you going with Alice?” she continued. Remembering my family’s reaction to my recent activities sobered me at once. I tried to be honest. “Alice is the most...supportive.” At least she will still talk to me, I thought. “And the others? What are they?” Bella seemed concerned. How should I reply? “Incredulous, for the most part.” That was certainly true. No matter what else they th ought about my pursuing Bella, none of them could believe I was doing it. And they especially didn’t understand why. I had no convincing argument for them. Bella’s eyes wandered toward my siblings. “They don’t like me,” she concluded. “That’s not it,” I c ountered. They don’t like that you’re human , I thought, but even that wasn’t quite it. “They don’t understand why I can’t leave you alone.” To my knowledge, not one of my vampire family had ever been attracted to a human, though I knew that Carlisle had be come attached to my mother and me in the hospital where we both lay dying of the influenza. “Neither do I, for that matter,” Bella interrupted my wandering thoughts. How could I make her understand? “I told you you don’t see yourself clearly at all. You’ re not like anyone I’ve ever known. You fascinate me.” She gave me an evil look. She thought I was kidding! Silly Bella. “Having the advantages I do,” I began, pointing to my forehead, “I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predic table. But you...you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise.” Can she understand how remarkable that is? How extraordinary? How intriguing? But, of course, that wasn’t the most important thing. Not at all. It was perhaps an initial lure and i t kept me on my toes Bella was never boring but there was much more to it than that. My voice softened. “That part is easy enough to explain, but there’s more...and it’s not so easy to put into words ” I was thinking of the words she’d spoken to me in her d reams, but I couldn’t return them now. I didn’t want to scare her away. Glancing at Bella’s face, I saw that she was staring over my shoulder with a look of terror terror! in her eyes. What was frightening her? I followed her gaze to find Rosalie staring fiercely at her. Then I heard Rosalie mentally screaming at me and silently threatening Bella. I can still take her out! If I hear that she’s spoken one word about us to anyone, I will do it! Either I had been so engrossed in this conversation or had gotten so good at tuning her out that I was missing her latest tirade. No matter what she thought, I would not allow her to threaten Bella. Without turning around, I sent Ros alie a warning hiss I knew she could hear. She turned her eyes away from Bella, but she didn’t stop yelling silently at me. That was fine. Imbecile! Idiot! How dare you tell Bella anything about us! How dare you risk everything! I tuned her out again. Sh e was frightening Bella and wasting our time together. I would deal with her later. “I’m sorry about that. She’s just worried,” I said, trying to downplay Rosalie’s reaction. “You see...it’s dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time wit h you so publicly...” A stab of remorse cut through me. “If?” Bella pressed. I hesitated, not wanting to frighten her. “If this ends...badly.” What was I thinking? Of course she should be frightened! How could I be so reckless? Run, Bella, run! But like her , I was already in too deep to stop, come what may. Her calm voice broke through my torment. “And you have to leave now? At least my hunting would improve her odds. “Yes.” But I hate to go! I miss you already! I declared to myself . Then I remembered biology class. “It’s probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in biology I don’t think I could take any more.” At least not without breaking the furniture or hauling her off to my monster’s lair. I almost smiled at the image in my mind of the evil vampire in his black cape, his fangs bared, with the innocent maiden slung over his shoulder. Time to introduce me, Edward! Alice had stepped up behind me and was smiling at Bella. At least one of the Cullen si sters is anxious to know her, I thought. “Alice.” “Edward,” she answered aloud, for Bella’s benefit. “Alice, Bella Bella, Alice.” Finally! Thank you, Edward! “Hello, Bella. It’s nice to finally meet you.” You’re going to be my sister some day! If Edward doesn’t kill you first , Alice added in her head. She just couldn’t help herself, could she? And what did she mean by “sister,” anyway? “Hi Alice,” Bella replied. “Are you ready?” Alice asked me. You’ve told her, right? “Nearly.” I answered both question s at once. “I’ll meet you at the car.” Happy now, Alice left us discreetly alone. “Should I say ‘have fun’ or is that the wrong sentiment?” Bella inquired, the corners of her mouth drooping slightly as she tried for a smile. Ah, she would miss me! My hear t sang. “No, ‘have fun’ works as well as anything.” I used to, but all I could think about now was getting back as quickly as possible. The separation was necessary, though. “Have fun, then.” Bella attempted to sound cheerful, but her ability to fool me w as limited. She’s an extremely poor liar , I thought My smile widened. “I’ll try. And you try to be safe, please.” That was a problem, of course. She could fall out a window, or pass out and drown in the school drinking fountain, or attract hungry, wild a nimals. Like me? “Safe in Forks what a challenge,” she mocked. “For you it is a challenge.” Visions of roving vampires danced through my head. “Promise,” I demanded. “I promise to try to be safe,” she intoned slavishly. “I’ll do the laundry tonight that o ught to be fraught with peril.” Laundry...okay. I remembered her joke about the laundry being a dangerous endeavor. “Don’t fall in.” The image amused me in spite of myself. “I’ll do my best,” Bella replied, as we both rose from our seats. “I’ll see you tomo rrow.” She sighed. I knew how she felt. “It seems like a long time to you, doesn’t it?” I ventured. She nodded unhappily and I was pleased I’d gotten it right. “I’ll be there in the morning,” I promised, though I knew I wouldn’t have to miss her for as long as she would miss me. I fully intended to see her as soon as she fell asleep. I reached across the table to let my fingers say goodbye. Slowly, my fingertips stroked her silky cheekbone. Ahh... I tore my hand away as a warm blush rose up her neck and spread across her face. Mmm...the smell of her...the heat...the galloping heart...the bottomless chocolate eyes...the blood swirling beneath her skin... Everything about her was an invitation to me. I wished I could stay. Instead, I rose abruptly and hustled myself out of the cafeteria before I got too carried away. Time to hunt. Alice was waiting in the car with the stereo turned up singing along in her inimitable way. “Tha nks for being nice to Bella, Alice. Rose was giving her the evil eye. And I think she senses everyone’s ambivalence.” “I have no o-..o am bi valence wha a –at–so–ev errrr,” Alice replied in time and in tune with the music. I’m just going to assume that you wo n’t kill her. Or if you simply can’t keep from biting her, that you’ll stop before you drain all her blood. “That’s not funny, Alice! Don’t even think that in jest!” But the evil thought had already been planted in my head. To taste Bella’s blood! I could imagine the profound pleasure it would be. Was such a thing possible? It was possible in the vampire lore of movies, television, and books. Vampire “love bites” were commonly depicted as the climactic moment of making love with a human. Myth. The truth was that if a vampire indulged in any biting behavior, then the human didn’t survive at least not as a human. Venom was venom. There was no “safe” way for a vampire to bite. Wouldn’t it be something if there were...?! Ahhh!! No, no, no, no, no! What am I th inking? If I harbor secret thoughts of tasting her blood, I will kill her! And if, miraculously, I don’t kill her, the venom would still end her human life...very, very painfully. Unthinkable! Well, clearly, not unthinkable I was thinking it, wasn’t I? Ahhh ! My head was a mess! This was one of those times when I was glad Alice couldn’t read my mind. My thoughts had traveled in exactly the direction her visions and her little asides had suggested. “Ah, damn it, Alice!” I didn’t even bother to explain myself . My teeth would never, ever touch Bella’s skin and that was the end of it. We’d arrived at Charlie’s house and I stepped out of the car. I was angry with Alice, but also, and especially, with myself. “You take the car. I’ll find the truck keys and meet y ou back at the school parking lot.” She was already sitting in the driver’s seat, so obviously, she’d seen my plan. You can go in the window, as long as you do it in the next four minutes forty five seconds, Alice thought She was one step ahead of me. I shut the car door and she zipped off without another word or evil, suggestive thought. Though I could have used Bella’s hidden key to enter through the front door of the house, I was accustomed to going in through the window. Anyway, the window put me righ t into Bella’s room, where I expected to find her truck keys. I definitely didn’t want to be seen climbing through Bella’s window in broad daylight, but four minutes was an eternity to me. I leaped to the window, grabbing the eave with one hand while I ope ned the casement with the other. I slipped in and inhaled deeply. Ahh, the lovely, familiar scent of her bedroom. I would never get enough of it. But no keys in sight, not on the dresser or the desk. I’d noticed that Bella didn’t choose to tell me where to find her keys when we were talking at lunch. That explained her dubious look when I told her we’d bring her truck to the school. She was challenging me. She had no idea.... Now that I thought about it, I should have asked Alice where the keys were . She co uld have watched me searching for them and told me where I would eventually find them without my actually having to look. Oh well, sometimes it was good to go manual. Okay, where to start. Hmm, Alice had touched those keys last week when we brought Bella’s truck home. The leather “B” on the ring would hold her scent. Maybe I could locate Alice’s scent somewhere in the house. I sniffed. Not in the bedroom. I went down the hall. Not in the bathroom. I headed downstairs toward the kitchen. Nope. Living room. N ope. It can’t be that hard. Wait! Bella has laundry to do. It’s natural to stuff one’s keys in a pocket, especially a coat or trousers pocket. If I didn’t find her keys in the laundry, I’d check the coat closet. I located the laundry room off the kitchen and caught the tiniest trace of Alice’s scent amidst the stronger odors of Bella’s and Charlie’s dirty clothes. Getting warm. I followed my nose to a pile of clothes on the floor, among them a pair of Bella’s jeans. Got ’em! I was rather pleased with mys elf, actually found in under two minutes. I made sure the laundry pile looked completely untouched, just to mess with Bella’s head a little. Maybe she’d think I could summon the keys into my hand from wherever they were in the house, just like Harry Potter. “ Accio , key s!” I ordered. Okay, that was just silly. This was reality here, not fantasy. I decided to exit the house the same way I’d come and reiterate my message to Bella the one she didn’t take seriously along the way. Back in her bedroom, I found a sheet of paper and a pen on her desktop. I wrote two words: Be Safe. Aware of the irony of my writing those words to her, but unwilling to regard it, I folded the paper in half and stepped to the open window. I listened for anyone in the immediate area and, hearing no one, leaped through, grabbed the eave, and closed the casement in one motion before dropping to the ground. I sat in Bella’s truck and started the engine. Unbelievably loud. But it’s easy to find her when she’s driving, so I suppose it’s not all bad Bu t the speed! Ugh! How can she stand it? Fortunately, it wasn’t far to the school. Of course, nothing was very far away in Forks. I parked the truck where the Volvo had been so Bella would find it readily, placed the folded sheet of paper on the seat, and joined Alice. She took us home, driving only slightly slower than I would have. I could tolerate it. Since I wouldn’t be using it for a while, I motioned to Alice to pull the car around to the garage. We got out and started walking toward the forest. Are you still mad at me? she wondered, almost to herself. “I suppose not. But really, Alice, this is all hard enough without your unhelpful contributions.” “Women. Ya can’t live with ‘em. Ya can’t eat ‘em.” She intoned, then chuckled at her own joke. “Alice, pleeeease,” I begged. Try not to worry so much, Edward. I have every confidence in you. You love her. Love can do miraculous things. Just look at Jasper and me. Where would we be without each other? “Speaking of Jasper, I haven’t checked in lately,” I note d, changing the subject. “How are things going at school? He’s not keeping up this ridiculous exercise in building tolerance, is he? He was running a little too close to the edge last week.” I convinced him that he should hunt every week instead of trying to wait for two weeks. He sees the good sense in that, but it’s hard on his pride. I don’t know if he’ll follow through. She paused and shut her eyes. No, looks like he won’t. If you could check in with him when he tries to stretch it, that would be really helpful. If I bug him too much, he just goes all silent and stoic. “I’ll do my best, Alice. Remind me if you want to. My attention has been elsewhere recently.” I looked at her and smiled wryly. All was forgiven. I wanted him to come with us today, but he’s going with Esme and Rosalie tomorrow. He’s not pleased with the Bella situation. “That’s fine, as long as he doesn’t interfere. Jasper is my brother, but I will fight him if he threatens Bella.” I don’t see him doing that, Edward. Especially now that I’ve officially met her and we’re going to be friends. I can’t wait to do some girlie stuff with her. She needs serious help with her wardrobe. It was no use trying to dampen Alice’s enthusiasm and I wouldn’t even try. “Just please don’t say anything to her about.. The visions. I know, Edward. I let the subject drop. It was not something I wanted to think about right now and I certainly didn’t want to argue the future with Alice. We’d reached the river anyway. “Ready, Alice?” Ready. We leaped over the r iver and started running. *** Charlie had just dropped off to sleep when I entered Bella’s window. I recognized a CD of Chopin nocturnes playing softly. Bella was lying on her back, her hands crossed over her chest, almost as if someone had posed her in a coffin. Yikes! Where did that thought come from? Alice’s influence, again. I sighed. By the heavy sound of her breathing, I knew Bella was deeply asleep, but the bedcovers were perfectly folded under her elbows and lay unruffled clear to the foot of the bed. She looked like she had made the bed, slid carefully under the blanket, crossed her arms, then hadn’t moved since. It wasn’t like her. Normally, she was a wild, restless sleeper with her sheets and blankets all untucked and tangled together. I check ed the CD player and found that it was set on Auto Repeat. I turned it off, deciding to sing to her instead. Her head turned slightly and her lips moved silently when I began, but she said nothing intelligible. It had become my habit to sit in the rocking chair. It made me feel more human in this very human place. Standing like a statue, though my natural state, looked eerie to human eyes, I knew. It was one of the first lessons you learned living amongst them. Sit, don’t stand. Twitch and fidget. Cross yo ur legs. Move your hands. Blink. Humans were, by and large, very restless creatures. That’s why Bella’s position seemed so strange. She hadn’t moved at all since she’d lain down. Was there something wrong with her? I stepped to her bedside and leaned over to listen to her heartbeat. Perhaps a little slower than usual, but strong and regular. Slower, hmm. Surely she doesn’t take sleeping pills! That could account for her stillness. Or alcohol, I supposed, though I’d n ever seen her drink or even heard her talk about it. Nope, no alcohol on her breath. Curious, now, I opened the drawer of her bedside table. Books. Earplugs. A miniature book light. MP3 player. No drugs. Since I now knew the layout of the house, I headed to the bathroom to look in the medicine cabinet. I knew that I shouldn’t snoop around, but now that I’d thought of it, I was worried that maybe Bella had taken drugs of some kind. She wouldn’t, would she? It didn’t seem like her. Or was she sick? The medi cine cabinet contained a selection of the usual creams, salves, shaving supplies, aspirin, cold medicine, toothpaste and floss. No prescription drugs. Wait a second...cold medicine. Does Bella have a cold? I hadn’t noticed any tissues by her bed or any sneez ing or coughing today at school. Humans were so fragile. She could catch anything at any time. It was frightening, really. I wondered if Bella had been keyed up and turned on the nocturnes to relax. And maybe she even took some cold medicine to make her s leepy. Was she more worried about being alone with me tomorrow than she would admit? Not that I would get a straight answer if I asked. Well, I would give her every chance to back out. It might be for the best anyway. Alice had seen danger for Bella in the meadow. She said it wasn’t imminent, but she could be wrong...it might be. I returned to Bella’s room and sat down in the rocking chair. I began singing softly and watched as the corner of her mouth curved up. She rolled to her side and murmured, “Edward,” as if she knew I was watching over her. I wonder what she would say if she discovered I actually was. Would that frighten her? So many, many questions. Dawn arrived more quickly than I expected. It was so peaceful here, listening to Bella’s breathing, know ing she was safe. Though the burn was always there in my throat, along with the hollow ache in my stomach, I had grown accustomed to it. It was like walking a long distance with a missing shoe heel. At first it seems intolerable, impossible to walk any dis tance at all. But by putting one foot in front of the other, your body gradually adjusts around the discomfort, easing it by bending one knee slightly or putting more weight on the toes. I could partly compensate for the ache in my throat by focusing on ella’s intoxicating scent or by listening to the sound of her heartbeat or breath. I was also learning to mentally block the pain in my throat by concentrating on more pleasurable sensations in my body: the pleasant “burn” in my fingers after I’d touched h er face, the electrical buzz that flowed between us when we were close, or a new sensation that I’d noticed in my lower torso, a tingling heat. Turning pain to pleasure. It required some effort certainly. It was time to take my leave. Charlie would depart early on his fishing trip, no doubt, and I needed to run home, change clothes, and run back. I could use the distraction about now. I was not feeling particularly hopeful when I knocked on Bella’s door a couple of hours later. There was so much potential f or the day to go wrong. Bella was fumbling excessively with the front door lock. When she finally released it and opened the door, I looked her up and down and laughed. “Good morning,” I said, suddenly cheerful. Responding to my amusement, Bella asked, “What’s wrong?” It was just like her to assume that something was wrong with her. “We match,” I said. She was wearing blue jeans and a long tan sweater with a white, lacy collar peeking from the neck. I was dressed just like her blue jeans, white shirt, t an sweater sans lace. Her expression as she looked at my clothing was oddly comical. She seemed surprised to have her attention drawn to it as if she’d never noticed that I wore clothes. She laughed at the coincidence, though she began biting her lip and s he avoided meeting my gaze. What did that mean? Was she frightened? As we walked toward her truck, I dragged my feet, exaggerating my displeasure at being her passenger. “We made a deal,” she reminded me . “Where to?” “Put your seatbelt on I’m nervous alre ady” Humans were so fallible behind the wheel of a vehicle and vampires never were or at least we had plenty of time to correct mistakes before accidents could occur. But she seemed to take great pride in driving me. “Where to?” she repeated, and I subm itted gracelessly to the inevitable. | ||||||
17-08-15, 10:59 PM | #9 | ||||||
مشرفة وكاتبة قسم ستفاني ماير وكاتبة وقاصة وساحرة واحة الأسمر بقلوب أحلام ونجمة خمن الرواية وشاعرة ونبضٌ متألّق في القسم الأدبي وبطلة اتقابلنا فين ؟
| الفصل الرابع عشر 14. CONFESSIONS Nothing could have surprised me more. Bella had not reacted with revulsion to my startling appearance. On the contrary, and beyond all my expectations, I no longer had any doubt that Bella unbelievably and inexplicably was physically attracted to me. It had become increasingly clear over the course of our afternoon together. When I moved into the sunlight, her jaw dropped, her eyes grew huge and round, and a long, soft “Ohhh!” escaped from her lips. Her knees trembled a s if they might buckle and I resisted the urge to run forward and catch her. This was a moment I could not protect her from. My stony, white skin sparkled and gleamed in the sunshine, throwing off rays of rainbow colored light as if thousands of tiny cryst als were embedded in the surface. It took some getting used to. Bella stood frozen for a moment, her mouth gaping, her eyes moving from my face to my neck, to my shoulders, across my bare chest, down to my stomach, to my hands and up my arms. Her close scr utiny sent a shiver through me. She took a step forward as if in a daze, one arm reaching in my direction. Then she stopped, seeming confused, before taking hold of herself. She closed her mouth, dropped her arm, and stood motionless, her eyes wandering a gain over every inch of my exposed skin. I suddenly understood how she must feel when she blushed. A ripple of heat swept through my body and my stone cold skin became electric with sensation. Watching her examine me, I did not detect fear. Her eyes were f illed with wonder and curiosity. I remained motionless, allowing her to become used to my appearance from a distance. Minutes passed as she gazed at me, mesmerized, before she came to herself again. Slowly, but with a sure intention, Bella stepped toward me, her eyes seeking mine as she crossed the twenty feet that separated us. As she approached, her scent floated toward me on the air and I closed my eyes and inhaled, holding my ground as the familiar burn scorched my throat. When she grew close, Bella re ached for my hand. I allowed her to take it and pull me into the clearing. To hold her warm, pliant hand in mine it was one of my fantasies come true. I felt the electricity spark between our palms. A surge of joy shot through me. When we reached the cent er of the clearing directly beneath the sun, I disengaged my hand reluctantly. Had its cold temperature disturbed her? I folded my legs and dropped to the ground. She followed my lead and sat near me. Her eyes settled on my face, then scanned downward slo wly, resting on my chest and shoulders before moving lower. The thrill of her eyes on me was overwhelming. I lay back on the grass and closed my eyes, giving her some privacy as she grew accustomed to my sparkling skin. I began to sing softly to myself. It was both an expression of my joy and a soothing palliative to my tension. I couldn’t read Bella’s thoughts, of course, but her reaction to me had been clear in her wide eyes. Today, we existed outside of time in own our private world. I had never been in the presence of a human without adopting the façade of dress, mannerisms, and behaviors that allowed us to blend in. I was exhilarated by the sense of freedom I got from just existing, without artifice and without effort, allowing Bella to see me for what I am. At some point in that timeless idyll, I felt Bella’s finger stroke the back of my hand. The electrical charge was soft, a warm buzzing sensation. I remained still, allowing her to explore my skin, knowing that it must seem inordinately strange to her . After a few moments, I opened my eyes to try reading hers. She seemed calm and untroubled, with wonder in her eyes. I ventured a smile. “I don’t scare you?” “No more than usual,” she replied. It was an amusing and surprising answer. Satisfied that she was more or less at peace, I closed my eyes to absorb her touch. Her heated fingers skimmed along my forearm, tracing the lines of muscle and sinew. They trembled slightly against my skin, but I understood now that this was not due to fear, or at least, n ot only to fear. She enjoyed touching me. “Do you mind?” S he spoke softly, tenderly. “No. You can’t imagine how that feels.” I released a deep, long – buried sigh. In my existence, I had never been touched like this by someone who wasn’t my mother or sister . And even then, it was a profoundly different experience. Her fingers trailed softly to the sensitive inner surface of my elbow, an exquisite sensation. She pressed the side of my hand as if to turn it over and I flipped it for her. Startled at the speed of my movement natural to a vampire, shockingly fast to a human she froze for a moment and held her breath. I opened my eyes just long enough to see that she had recovered from the surprise. “Sorry,” I murmured . “It’s too easy to be myself with you.” Nev er before had I so completely lowered my guard, either with human or vampire. And because her mind was silent to me, I expended no energy to read or to avoid reading her thoughts as I did around others. It is hard to exaggerate the tranquility that this ga ve me. Bella lifted my hand and rotated it back and forth, presumably to see the crystalline sparkles dance in the light. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” I whispered, unable to keep my curiosity at bay for long. “It’s still so strange for me, not knowing. ” I gazed at her face, trying to read her mind through her eyes. “You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time.” “It’s a hard life,” I admitted. “But you didn’t tell me.” “I was wishing I could know what you were thinking...” Her voice trailed off. “And?” I coaxed. “I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn’t afraid.” “I don’t want you to be afraid . ” Though I knew she should be, I wished so much that she didn’t have to be. “Well, that’s not exactly the fear I meant, though that’s certainly something to think about.” Her statement surprised me and I wanted to understand what she meant, immediately. I flipped myself onto my right side, my free hand propping up my head. My eyes were near hers now, my palm in he r hand. This time she was not startled by my speedy, vampiric movement, but I realized that her heart rate and respiration had increased and her translucent skin was coloring with blood. She looked into my eyes. “What are you afraid of, then?” I asked, a l ittle nervous to know. She seemed poised to answer, but instead, leaned toward me precipitously. Her eyes looked dazed and she began breathing in short gasps. I felt the sweet heat of her breath on my face as her lips parted and approached mine. The smooth arc of her throat stretched beneath, her veins pounding visibly with blood. Unwisely, I inhaled, tasting her breath on my tongue and feeling the dry, burning ache I knew so well. I shuddered as venom poured into my mouth and my muscles coiled to spring. Disaster was imminent. With only a fraction of a second to contain the monster, I leaped away from my would – be prey, back to the forest’s edge. Panting, I clung to a massive spruce tree, borrowing its strength to fix me in place. It would be so easy...so e asy... Using every bit of will I could muster, I somehow held my position. I clenched my jaw viciously against the unholy desire and focused on calming my frantic breath. Gradually, I regained sufficient control to know that I could run if I had to. I raised my eyes to Bella. She looked stunned. “I’m...sorry...Edward,” she stuttered, unable to hide her bewilderment and pain. Her eyes had misted over and the anguish I saw there completely short – circuited my hunting instinct. That was an unexpected blessing, some thing I could use. “Give me a moment,” I called from my cautious distance. When I had fully mastered myself, I stepped into the sunlight and paced toward Bella. I remembered the principles of preventing fear in humans: move slowly, keep a distance of thr ee to four feet, and look into their eyes. I followed all of these rules while approaching Bella, then sat on the ground opposite her. I felt chastened and raw, determined never again to see that expression of shock and dismay on Bella’s face. “I am so very sorry . ” In an effort to ease her distress, I joked gently , “Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?” She nodded, a slight trembling apparent in the line of her mouth. There could be no doubt that Bella finally grasped the danger sh e had invited today. The scent of fear floated toward me in her perspiration. I flashed a sardonic smile. Wasn’t it my duty to demonstrate the extent of the danger so that she would fully understand? Maybe it excited me, in a perverse way, to frighten her; or perhaps the day’s tension was suddenly too much for me; or maybe I simply wanted to release the last of my habitual bindings. For whatever reason, I pressed . “I’m the world’s best predator, aren’t I? Everything about me invites you in my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!” I leaped to the spruce tree in a single bound, then raced around the circumference of the meadow in a fraction of a second. “As if you could outrun me!” An evil – sounding laugh erupted from my lips . I grabbed the largest limb I could reach on the massive spruce and snapped it like a twig, tossing the huge object effortlessly across the meadow. Where it crashed, a gigantic domino effect rippled through the woods from tree to tree. Before the noise d immed, I reappeared in an instant at Bella’s side, rigid and motionless. “As if you could fight me off.” I spoke quietly, dangerously, predator to prey. Her fear was tangible now. She huddled where she sat, trembling, pale as snow, her breath halted altog ether. But, miraculously, unaccountably, her gaze never swerved from me and she made no move to flee. As I met her frightened eyes, their liquid depths spoke to me the human part of me and brought me back to myself, to her, and to the tender moment we’d lost. From wanton and fearsome, my mood swiftly rebounded to sadness and remorse. Now that I had proved to Bella how dangerous I was, I wanted desperately unreasonably for her to disreg ard it, to trust me, to feel safe with me. “Don’t be afraid,” I begged, knowing it was far too much to ask. “I promise...” but the word felt wholly inadequate, “...I swear not to hurt you.” If I said the words with enough certainty, perhaps I could make them t rue forever. “Don’t be afraid,” I whispered again, craving to re – enter that space close to her. I moved as cautiously as I could, crossed my legs and sank to the ground, still watching her eyes, which were now a mere twelve inches from my own. “Please forgive me.” The gentleman I had been as a human re – emerged. “I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I’m on my best behavior now.” Bella remained as silent and inscrutable as the moon. I tried again. “I’m not thirsty today, honestly.” I winked at her, enlisting all of my charm to disrupt her rigid immobility. It worked. She laughed a subdued, shaky laugh. “Are you all right?” I inquired in my gentlest voice, seizing the opportunity to place my hand carefully back in hers. I awaited her verdict, searching her face for a sign, a yea or a nay . She looked at my hand, then up at my eyes, then back down at my hand. Finally, her index finger resumed stroking my palm. The corners of her mouth rose slightly and she looked up at me with absolution. My hear t soared she’d forgiven me. After a long pause, I asked, “So where were we before I behaved so rudely?” I wished to return to that magical moment before the beast in me had surfaced. “I honestly can’t remember,” she admitted. I had frightened it from her m ind. I was ashamed, but my curiosity had not lessened and, of course, I had not forgotten a thing. “I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason.” As if that weren’t enough cause to stay away from me. “Oh, right,” Bella a nswered, but offered no more. Impatient, I prodded, “Well?” Bella continued to stroke random lines across my palm. I could have shut my eyes and sunk back into the amazing sensation of it, but my need to know her fears overrode the desire. Still, she remai ned silent. “How easily frustrated I am,” I admitted sadly. It was a human discomfort I found hard to bear. She took pity on me. “I was afraid...because for well, obvious reasons, I can’t stay with you. And I’m afraid that I’d like to stay with you, much mor e than I should.” She couldn’t meet my eyes and I realized then how difficult it had been for her to admit this. It was certainly a valid fear. I could barely breathe, though, with the thrill of hearing her say the words she wanted to be with me! If she t ruly wanted me, I would suffer anything, bear anything, to make it come true! But it had to be her choice and she had to fully comprehend the danger. And it was wrong of me to want her to choose me. I knew that. I selected my words carefully. “Yes, that i s something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That’s really not in your best interest.” I forced myself to continueto tell her the truth as I knew it. “I should have left long ago. I should leave now. But I don’t know if I can.” | ||||||
17-08-15, 11:01 PM | #10 | ||||||
مشرفة وكاتبة قسم ستفاني ماير وكاتبة وقاصة وساحرة واحة الأسمر بقلوب أحلام ونجمة خمن الرواية وشاعرة ونبضٌ متألّق في القسم الأدبي وبطلة اتقابلنا فين ؟
| “I don’t wa nt you to leave.” I heard the sadness in her voice. “Which is exactly why I should.” Someone here should be strong enough to protect you from me...and from yourself, I thought. “But don’t worry. I’m essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too mu ch to do what I should.” “I’m glad.” “Don’t be!” My better nature struggled to assert itself and I returned my hand to my side. “It’s not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget that I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else.” Must I tell her this? She will run away from me, screaming. “I don’t think I understand exactly what you mean by that last part anyway.” No, how could she? I smiled at the rarity of such a conversation. But I must answer all her questions. I must not withh old any information as vital as this. “How do I explain? And without frightening you again...hmmmm.” I noticed my right hand move back into hers of its own accord. She grasped it with both of her hands. I wanted her never to let go. “That’s amazingly pleasan t, the warmth.” I could be happy just sitting here for days with my hand in hers. But the explanation. I owed it to her. “You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?” She nodded. I suddenl y regretted my choice of words. “Sorry about the food analogy I couldn’t think of another way to explain.” She let me off the hook with a gracious smile. I returned it, chagrined. “You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you lo cked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he’d gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let’s say you placed in that room a glass of hundred – year – old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac and filled th e room with its warm aroma how do you think he would fare then?” I paused, allowing her to come to her own conclusions and trying to gauge her reaction. Her eyes were asking questions, more questions. I pressed on, willing her to understand something that was possibly beyond a human’s comprehension. “Maybe that’s not t he right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead.” “So what you’re saying is, I’m your brand of heroin?” She offered me an unflinching smile and I was exceedingly grat eful. She understood. “Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.” “Does that happen often?” This was a question I couldn’t answer with any certainty. There weren’t many vampires who had the relevant experience and even fewer of whom I could ask such a sensi tive question. “I spoke to my brothers about it,” I told her, reviewing their responses in my mind. “To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He’s the most recent to join our family. It’s a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn’t had time to gr ow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor.” The word escaped before I had considered its effect on my audience. “Sorry,” I apologized with a quick look to see how Bella responded to my words. She was generous. “I don’t mind,” she answered my que stioning eyes. “Please don’t worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That’s the way you think; I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can.” Bella’s equanimity on this subject was startling, but appreciated. I inhaled deeply, then gathered my thoughts. “So, Jasper wasn’t sure if he’d ever come across someone who was as” how could I say this delicately? “ appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, a nd he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other.” “And for you?” Bella inquired. “Never.” Which would help explain my extreme discomposure when I first caught her scent. I recalled the shock as if it were today, but it w as a memory I couldn’t afford to replay when in Bella’s presence. It was much too dangerous. My thoughts had wandered in their own direction for a moment, so Bella’s next question caught me by surprise. “What did Emmett do?” Immediately, I recalled the s cene that ran through Emmett’s mind when he’d told me the story. Reviewing his experience was almost as dangerous as reliving my own. I turned my face away from Bella and locked my muscles down to prevent myself from reacting instinctively to Emmett’s memo ry. I waited while the urges lessened, then cleared I guess I know,” Bella admitted. How it pained me now that I had revealed this information about Emmett to Bella! Emmett, like all of my family, was in that rare tenth of one percent or so of vampires who even attempted to modify their eating habits. We were the most humane of our kind. The fact that even we had made such mistakes and taken human lives revealed how truly damned we all were. I wished now that I could erase the memory of Emmett’s blunder from her mind. “Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don’t we?” “What are you asking? My permission?” Her words cut me to the bone. I felt the misery in them. “I mean, is there no hope then?” “No, no!” Regret coursed through me at the implication I had made. “Of course, there’s hope! I mean, of course I won’t...” My words trailed off, but she knew what I meant. Was it really a promise I could keep? I believed so, or at least I hoped so. Wanting to be as honest as possible, I recognized suddenly that I was still unsure about my ability to control myself. But when I thought about where I was now, with the feelings I had for Bella, it became clearer that something had already changed in my basic makeup. I tried to explain. “It’s different for us. Emmet t...these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn’t as...practiced, as careful, as he is now.” I waited to gauge her reaction to my backpedaling. “So if we’d met...oh, in a dark alley or something...,” she abandoned the sentence. We both seemed determined to avoid the actual words. Telling the absolute truth at this juncture was excruciating, but perhaps more vital than it ever had been before. I forced myself to continue. “It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of tha t class of children and ” Too vulgar. I started again. “When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn’t been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn’t have been a ble to stop myself.” The memory of that near disaster galled me. “You must have thought I was possessed.” “I couldn’t understand why. How you could hate me so quickly...” It was the first time she had revealed her pain in that moment. I tried to explain. “To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin...I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow....” I peered into her eyes as my words entered her consciousness and struck their mark. “You would have come.” I knew this as surely as I knew my name. The ability to seduce was one of our weapons. “Without a doubt,” Bella conceded and I wondered how she knew that. But there was even more to the story and she was still sitting here with me. It was my duty to continue to the bitter end. I dropped my eyes in shame. “And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there in th at close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there so easily dealt with.” The worst had been said. Now just the fallout remained. I glanced up. Remarkably, Bella, though shiverin g, stayed where she was. Perhaps she was too afraid to run. I continued. “But I resisted. I don’t know how. I forced myself not to wait outside for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn’t smell you anymore, to think c learly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving.” Bella’s eyes grew wid e and her mouth slackened, but I pressed on. “I traded cars with him he had a full tank of gas and I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn’t have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn’t necessary...” “By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances....but I was homesick. I hated knowing I’d upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to belie ve you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I’d dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl” the word amused me now “to chase me from the pl ace I wanted to be? So I came back....” “I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.” “It was unquestionably a complication tha t I couldn’t simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn’t used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica’s mind...her mind isn’t very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. An d then I couldn’t know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating.” How clearly I remembered that feeling. I had it still. “I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would wit h any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting. I found myself caught up in your expressions...and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again....” “Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later, I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment because if I hadn’t saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don’t think I c ould have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, ‘Not her’.” I had completely relinquished control of my words and allowed them to flow however they would, to lay everyt hing out before this angel and let her face the devil in me. Whatever she thought, however she responded, it was all in her hands. I would fulfill my duty. She gently pushed me to continue. “In the hospital?” I looked her in the eyes and said, “I was appal led. I couldn’t believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you.” The baldness of that word in this peaceful place felt sacrilegious. I hurried on... “But it had the opposite eff ect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time...the worst fight we’ve ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice.” Though Alice still saw you dead in my arms or changed at my hand. “Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay.” Then I thought of something that I couldn’t say out loud, but the inference was easy | ||||||
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