Walker: The Rodeo Legend (Harlequin American Romance)

[Dalyia]

around horses all my life. When something frightens them, the only thing you can do
is distract them until they forget why they’re nervous.”
She bit her lip. “I took him in to get his photograph taken, but he wouldn’t look
at the camera, so the man—”
“I saw the whole thing,” Walker interrupted her quietly. “I happened to be at the
camera counter picking up some special pictures I had made up for my mother. When
he brought out the bear, I was afraid Clay might associate it with the black Lab.”
Paula blinked. “Of course—”
“It reminded me of the first time my father made me sit on the back of a horse. I
was probably Clay’s age. It was huge to me. Unpredictable. It took me years to get
over my fear of horses, but I had to hide my terror in front of my father because
he wouldn’t tolerate cowardice.”
“Walker—” Her throat had almost closed from the emotions that had been building.
“To think you ended up becoming a champion steer wrestler.”
“Yup.” He stared at her. “It boggles the mind, especially since I saw myself in
Clay just now. Sure enough, he took one look at the bear and terror caused him to
burst into tears.”
His gaze slid back to Clay’s. He tousled his blond curls. To her surprise a sweet
smile broke out on her son’s face, softening the look in Walker’s eyes. “You’re
just like me, aren’t you, sport? You have to be gentled first.”
Without knowing it, Walker had just handed her a key to his very complex soul.
“Thanks again for your help,” she whispered. After the way their phone conversation
had ended the other night, she couldn’t have imagined a moment like this.
“You’re welcome.” The second he stood up and kissed Clay’s forehead, she knew he
was going to leave. “Be a good boy for your mother.”
“Just a minute and I’ll give you back the jade, but first I have to convince Clay
to let me have it.”
“I’m afraid I don’t have time. As it is I’m going to be late meeting up with my
brother. Let him keep it. Maybe it will bring him luck.”
Meaning what? That the jade piece hadn’t worked for Walker after all? Was there a
tinge of despair she’d heard in his voice? He walked away. Twice now he’d said
goodbye to her and meant it. She got it.
But while she moved to put Clay in his car seat, she was aware of an inexplicable
sense of loss. In spite of her determination to put Walker in her dead-end file,
feelings for him insisted on growing beneath her surface attraction to him. They
grew stronger as she watched his truck pull out of the parking lot onto the highway
and disappear.

[Dalyia]

Chapter Five
May 12
Good old reliable Jesse was waiting for Walker when he pulled up in the parking
area at the side of the new ranch house Wednesday evening. They’d dressed alike in
jeans and checked, long-sleeved shirts; Jesse’s in brown-and-white, Walker’s in

blue-and-white. He was still breaking in his new cowboy boots, but he’d left the

hat at home.
The family would have to stare at their underweight prodigal son with his Marine
cut. Though he’d put on five pounds since getting out of the hospital, and his hair
was getting longer, he by no means resembled the man who’d left home six years ago.
That man with the overly long black hair had needed a sturdier horse to carry his
weight.
Jesse walked over to him as he climbed down from the cab. “You look a damn sight
better than you did at the motel.” They hugged. “Mom’s been biting her nails that
you might not show.”
That was a joke between them because their mother had never done such a thing and
never would, but they could always tell how nervous she was if she started humming
off-key while she worked.
“So she’s been humming up a storm?”
“Yup, and it’s driven everyone crazy.”
Walker laughed. He couldn’t help it. Jesse was like a dose of something savory
after a steady diet of the inedible.
“Walk around the back of the house with me. Elly and the twins are in the pool.
Mom’s in the kitchen. She set up a barbecue on the deck. Steaks, ribs. The works.”
“Nice.” It was a warm, beautiful night for it. “Where’s Dad?”
Jesse’s brows lifted. “Probably upstairs getting showered and dressed, and nervous
as hell.”
“Don’t you mean angry?”
His brother had no answer for that. Walker couldn’t wait to get this reunion over
with. As they made the tour around back, his hand went to his throat before he
realized the jade piece was no longer resting against his chest beneath the shirt.
He felt naked and vulnerable without it. In truth he longed to feel the touch of
Paula’s hands on his skin one more time as she fastened it around his neck.…
“Walker!”
Elly squealed in delight the second she saw him and launched herself out of the
pool wearing a bright red bikini. He could see right away his tallish sister was no
longer a tomboy. With her blond hair braided on top of her head, she’d turned into
a real beauty.
He hurried across the deck and swung her around before giving her a hug.
“Elly…you’re a sight for sore eyes.”
Hers, a mixture of green and blue, were tear-filled as she examined him. “So are
you. I’m so glad you’re home,” she cried in a broken voice and wrapped her arms
around his chest again. “Sorry I’m getting you wet.”
“Do you think I care?”
“I prayed for you every night.”

“I heard them,” he said for her ears alone.

“Hey, you guys. Is this a private club or what?”
“Dusty…” Walker swung around to embrace his brother, who looked like an improved
version of Brad Pitt. “How are the ladies treating you these days?” With that
dimple of his, he’d always been dynamite with the opposite sex.
“I’m not complaining.” His blue eyes danced as they teased. “It’s a good thing
you’re finally home so we can put some meat on your bones. It’s been a long time.”
“Too long,” Walker admitted, finding it difficult to swallow because of the
emotions tearing him up one side and down the other. He had no quarrel with his
siblings. That’s what was killing him.
Behind Dusty he could see Dex sitting at the edge of the pool waiting his turn.
Being fraternal twins, they both had their own good looks and unique mannerisms.
Dex had always been the quiet one. Walker reached down and gave him a hand to pull
him up. His dark blond brother responded with a bone-crushing squeeze. He wasn’t a
team roper for nothing. When he let go, more scrutiny took place.
“Is that another scar under your chin?” Walker asked.
Dex grinned. “It’s the same one from before, but it’s a little raw from getting
dragged around the practice arena the other day. You look taller, you know that? If
that’s what the Marines do for you, maybe I’ll join. I always wanted a few more
inches like you.”
Whatever Walker might have answered was lost when he heard, “Welcome home, son.”
He braced himself before turning around. J.W. looked fit as he stood beneath the
overhang of the deck in a tan Western shirt and jeans. There were more steel
threads in his black hair, but all in all, he didn’t seemed changed. From the
distance between them he felt his father’s glittering gaze.
Though Walker was the tallest in the family, his father had always appeared bigger
than life to him. The cane only seemed to add to his aura of unquestioned
authority.
His father didn’t move toward him. It was up to Walker, who felt as though he was
moving through quicksand to reach him. “You look like you’re doing well. It’s good
to see you, Dad.”
Walker meant it. It was good to see the man who’d given him life, who’d taught him
everything he thought he should know, who’d provided a lifestyle for his children
any son would thank God for.
J.W. didn’t say anything, but Walker noticed the throb at his temple, denoting his
tension. They shook hands, adding to the awkwardness he felt in front of his
siblings, who’d gone so quiet it was unnatural. Did his father know that he knew
his secret?
He’d seen his mother come out on the patio, but she paused when she saw what was
happening and stood at a distance. Hell—
“Mom says to come and get it,” his older brother blurted from the banquet table
laden with enough food for a small army. Jesse, Jesse. Once again, he’d ridden into
the fort at the last moment bringing fresh troops.
Walker was first at the table. He hugged his mother and they talked for a minute,

then he started piling the food on his plate. Everyone clamored cheerfully to be

[Dalyia]

heard, and a good deal of bantering went on before they found deck chairs placed
near each other.
Anything to do with rodeo standings proved the safest topic of conversation. He
questioned each of them about their latest triumphs and defeats. They reminisced
about past championships, including his. There was more talk about future
competitions. His father weighed in on the subject of the new Corriente bulls
trucked in from Mexico after being in quarantine.
Walker noticed they all stayed away from asking him questions about Iraq, no doubt
Jesse’s doing. His mother wanted to know if he was comfortable at the cabin. That
prompted him to turn to Dex.
“If I come down to the practice arena one of these mornings, will you be there to
help me get my feet wet again? I need to do it as part of my therapy.”
His brother glanced at everyone in stunned surprise before he said, “You just name
the day, Walker.”
“That would be terrific. Thanks, Dex.”
After a big serving of strawberry shortcake, one of Walker’s favorite desserts,
Elly said, “As soon as the food has digested, let’s have a game of water polo. I
want to see if Walker can still whomp everybody.”
Unless the family was prepared to see his scars, Walker figured it wouldn’t be a
good idea. Jesse picked up on his anxiety. “Maybe later, Elly. In the meantime I’ll
show Walker the new horse barn. It’s not that far from here. You’re going to be
impressed, bro.”
“Let’s go, then.”
“I’ll walk over there with you,” their father said.
Walker sensed what was coming, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He
gave his mom a peck on the cheek, then started around the side of the house with
Jesse and his dad.
Well out of earshot of the others, his father stopped mid-stride and looked over at
him. “I’m glad to hear you want to get back on a horse again, son. The ranch could
use your help. Ask Jesse and he’ll tell you. Any time you say, you can be in charge
of the bulls we’re working with right now. Jesse will set you up. When you’re
settled in, you can start flying down to Mexico and take charge of that end of the
operation.”
“I know there isn’t anything Jesse wouldn’t do for me, but I’m not looking for a
job. Right now I’m just trying to focus on getting better both mentally and
physically.” Of course until Walker got on a horse and went through the motions, he
didn’t know if he had what it took to even compete anymore.
His father got that look on his face that meant he’d dug in his heels. “How long do
you expect to go on like this?” he demanded. The lid was coming off.
“I wish I knew, but I don’t.”
“Well, you sure as hell better find out fast.” Suddenly it was just the two of
them. “What do you mean you don’t know?” he asked.

“I’m at a crossroads trying to figure out my life.” J.W. frowned. “What’s there to

figure out? You’re home with your family now. You could have your pick of any job
on the ranch you want.”
“That’s the problem, Dad. I don’t know what I want.” He had one idea that had
nothing to do with the horses or the cattle, but he wasn’t about to discuss it with
his father tonight.
“So what you’re saying is, military life offered you more than anything the ranch
could. If that’s the case, how come you bothered to come home at all?” His
withering tone caused Walker to struggle for breath.
“When I got injured, I couldn’t go back into combat for a couple of months. While I
was in the hospital, I decided to resign my commission.”
His father’s expression froze. “How come you didn’t tell anybody?”
“I’m telling you now.”
“So you’re just going to stay up at the cabin and waste away out of sight? Is that
it?”
“Not exactly. I’m doing rehab at the VA clinic in Powell trying to follow my
doctor’s advice.”
“That’s good.”
“But it means I need a little time.”
“Time be damned, son! I thought the Marines were supposed to teach you how to be a
man and take responsibility. To stay up on the mountain alone isn’t normal and
doesn’t sound like any son of mine.”
Nope. Walker had always been different from the others, and now his father was
saying it.
“Are you on drugs?” He took hold of his arm. “That’s the kind of weird you learn in
the military I don’t like.”
“I’m not on anything.”
“You’d better not be!”
“I assure you that’s the last thing I’d want to do.”
“Let’s hope so. You’re a Cody. You’re supposed to be tough!” He let go of him and
spread his hands wide. “I built this house so all my children could stay here if
they want. Your room’s ready and waiting for you. Move in here and we’ll fatten you
up.”
“You’re very generous, Dad. You always have been. Please don’t think I’m not
appreciative of all you and Mother do for me, but I’ve been on my own for years
now.
“You can’t honestly expect me to live with my parents.”
“I didn’t mean forever.” By now his face had gone a ruddy color.

“I realize that.”

The chasm kept widening. “Just don’t you go disappointing me by drinking yourself
to death or some such nonsense!”
“I don’t drink or smoke, either. Doctor’s orders.”
His father cleared his throat. “I’m glad to hear it. You trust this doctor in
Powell?”
“Yes. He’s exceptional and knows what he’s doing. I was at his support group last
night.”
J.W. scratched his head. “That’s fine, but you’ve got a support group out there at
the pool. The best one you could ever ask for.”
“I know that. I love all of them.”
“Then show it! Be with us. Get back to your old self! Your mother puts up a good
front, but for you to come home after all this time and still want to be alone is
eating her alive.”
He couldn’t handle talk about hurting his mother, not after what his father had
done to her. Walker’s hand reached for the jade talisman like a lifeline, only to
remember once again that he’d given it to Clay.
“Let’s join the others.” Without waiting for his dad’s response, he walked around
to the pool once more. Everyone had jumped back in except for Jesse.
“Come on in!” Elly called to him.
“Another time.”
“Ah, come on!” Dusty kept it up.
“I would, but I’ve had some surgery and it’s not a pretty sight.”
“Likely excuse,” Dex teased.
Walker looked around. His parents had gone in the house. This might be the best
time to show them so they wouldn’t think he was being deliberately aloof. “Jesse’s
already seen my mark of bravery. Since you guys already know what a bull can do to
us in the arena, this shouldn’t be anything new.”
He turned to the side and pulled the shirt out of his waistband, lifting it up so
they could see the part of his anatomy that was scarred. “It goes down my hip.
There were three of us that got hit with an IED. I was the lucky one who came
home.”
A collective gasp came from his siblings. It was called shock therapy for your
loved ones. This peep show was enough for tonight. They didn’t want to know what
was going on inside of him.…
EARLY THURSDAY MORNING, Paula dressed in jeans and a straw-colored sweater before
heading out to the Cottonwood Ranch. As she drove up to the side of the Cody ranch
house she noticed there were a couple of trucks in the parking area.
She’d brought Clay with her. While she worked, she would push him along in his
stroller. He was especially good-natured in the morning, which was the best time

for her to walk around and do a few quick sketches.

[Dalyia]

She wanted to be here as the light peered over the mountain. That way she could see
where the rays illuminated several gentle slopes she had in mind for the gardeners
to plant bulbs of yellow tulips and white daffodils with yellow centers. More
yellows were needed among the plantings on the east side. If she found the right
spot, it would look as if golden flowers had just spilled from the sun.
After finishing one drawing, she moved on to the west side of the ranch house,
where she worked up a sketch for splashes of purple, burgundy and pink tulips
planted together to provide a foil for the greenery. When the sun’s rays slanted on
that part of the grounds, the explosion of colors would remain in the beholder’s
mind long after the sun had fallen below the horizon.
An hour later, after she’d filled in the sketches with quick-drying acrylics to
bring colorful life to the paper, she phoned Walker’s mother as prearranged and
asked her to meet her outside.
Once upon a time, Paula had thought of her as Anne Cody, but no longer. The trim
woman in Western clothing walking toward her like a young girl had given birth to
five children, but in Paula’s mind none were as remarkable as her second-born son.
No matter how hard she tried, Paula couldn’t rout him from her consciousness the
way you might remove the intrusive day lily from a carefully tended garden. His
roots had sunk deep in her psyche and were there to stay.
“Good morning, you two!” Anne walked right over to Clay, who was playing with a
puzzle toy in his stroller. She gave him a kiss. “I swear he gets bigger every time
I see him.”
“He’s heavier, too,” Paula said wryly. “How are you, Anne? You’re looking well.”
Her keen blue glance darted to Paula. “I can’t complain.”
No, but the older woman wasn’t jumping for joy, either. The artist in Paula
detected a trace of sorrow in the lines around her eyes and mouth.
Every family had its problems. As Paula’s mother used to say, at any given moment
she was only as happy as her saddest child. Maybe that’s what was wrong with Anne
Cody, who knew her son had been suffering since his return from war. Much as she
wanted to talk to her about Walker, she didn’t dare.
Keepings things to business, Paula handed her the sketch pad. “Take a look and tell
me what you think.”
Anne lifted the cover. “Oh, Paula…” she cried.
The satisfying reaction was all she could ask for. “That’s a grouping of Queen of
the Night, Burgundy Lace and Greenland tulips.” She pointed out the area where she
envisioned them planted.
“It surpasses anything I had imagined.”
Paula smiled. “I’m glad. Now take a look at the next page. The flowers will be
planted on the slopes at the east side of the house. Here you see the Golden
Apeldoorn Darwin tulips planted with Golden Echo daffodils. The spots of color are
California poppies. I’ve written all the names down for your gardener.”
“This is really fabulous, Paula.”

“I’m glad you like them. I’ll leave both drawings with you to show your husband and

the gardener. You might want to add more colors and can talk it over with them.”
She removed the pages from her sketchbook.
Anne lifted her gaze to Paula. “Everyone who comes here raves about the
landscaping. When these flowers bloom next spring, they’ll bring crowds of people.
I’m thrilled to death over what you’ve designed.”
“If this is what you had pictured in your mind, then I’m pleased. Now I’d better
get going. Clay has been remarkably good this morning, but now it’s time to go home
for a diaper change and a snack.”
“Won’t you come in the house? Barbara will make him something.”
“Another time and I’d love to, but I have to get back to work on a project waiting
for me.”
“I understand. I’ve got work myself.”
They walked as far as the front entrance. Before Anne went back in the house she
paused. “My son Walker isn’t one to comment about anything unless he means it, so I
have to tell you something he said to me at our family party last night.”
Paula’s pulse rate picked up just to hear his name mentioned. She was glad he’d
been with them.
“He told me the food’s perfect and so is the landscaping.”
Those words meant a lot coming from his mother. “That’s nice to hear. I’ll always
be grateful for his quick reflexes at the dog parade. Your son is a remarkable
man.”
Anne’s eyes grew cloudy. “I hope one day he begins to believe it.” She cleared her
throat. “Thank you for coming out here this morning. My husband says you can do no
wrong. Wait until he sees these!” She gave Paula a hug and went inside the house.
A little giddy that Walker had praised her work, Paula pushed the stroller around
the house to the parking area. She opened the rear passenger door. “In you go,
sweetheart.”
As she started to fasten Clay in his car seat, a truck pulled up next to her. Her
heart thudded in her chest to see it was a black truck. She groaned.
Walker shot her an indefinable glance before levering himself from the cab with
consummate male grace. He wore a long-sleeved hunter-green shirt and Levi’s tucked
into his cowboy boots. She had to admit his looks were even more compelling when he
needed a shave.
Before either of them spoke, Clay made excited sounds that drew their attention. As
Walker moved closer, her son extended his hands and tried to get out of his car
seat to reach Walker.
“Hey, sport.” A smile broke out on Walker’s face, transforming him into someone
impossibly handsome. “I’m happy to see you, too.” He glanced at Paula. “Do you mind
if I hold him?”
Tongue-tied, she gestured that it was okay. Then, as if it were the most natural
thing in the world, he undid the restraint and pulled Clay out of the car seat. Her
son hugged him in obvious delight. Incredible. Paula watched Walker carry Clay

around while he talked to him.

“It looks like you’re all over your fright of the other day.” He stopped in front
of Paula, sending her a frank stare. “Did he have any nightmares after the incident
with the bear?”
“No. He’s been fine.”
“That’s good.” He cocked his dark head. “I take it you’ve been out here working
already this morning.”
“Yes.”
“With my mother?”
“Yes.” Good grief… Couldn’t she talk in more than monosyllables? “A-are you feeling
more settled in?” she stammered.
“Do you mean, am I getting back to my old routine? I guess I am. Later today I’m
leaving for California.”
“You’re taking a trip?”
“Not exactly. I’m flying down to the rodeo in Redding for the weekend with the
family.”
Her head lifted. “Does this mean you’re only supplying moral support, or are you
returning to the rodeo yourself?”
“Both. Of course the latter depends on my not being over the hill.”
“Don’t be absurd,” she bit out before she could recall the words. “After the way
you handled yourself at the dog parade, I’d say you haven’t lost any of your
speed.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” came his mocking reply.
“You’re welcome.”
The tension between them was explosive. “So are you a fan of steer wrestling?” he
asked.
“I’ve only been to one rodeo in my life. That must have been when I was about
twelve. My brother’s a different story however. Kip and his best friend used to
enter local bulldogging events and both have the mended broken bones to prove it.”
His green eyes kindled with interest. “Where was this?”
“In Idaho.”
“You’re not from Wyoming, then?”
“No. I was brought up on a ranch outside Rexburg.”
“What kind?”
“A small one. Compared to the Cottonwood Ranch, it’s miniscule. Dad grows barley,
sugar beets and alfalfa. Kip’s in business with him.”

“Is he married?”

“No. As he continues to tell my parents, he’s only twenty-seven and has years yet.”
Walker’s lips twitched. Her heart turned over when he looked like that. “Do you
ride when you go home for visits?”
“Yes. Dad has a mare called Trixie. I usually take her out for exercise. Kip has
his own quarter horse, Lefty. He always had a dream to compete in the pro rodeo
circuit as a steer wrestler, but he wasn’t good enough. Certainly nothing like
you.”
He slanted her a glance. “That means my father was talking out of school again. I’m
afraid he has a one-track mind when it comes to the rodeo. I’m sorry you had to be
a captive audience while you worked with him.”
“I found it fascinating. Your parents told me you won the world steer-wrestling
championship seven years ago. The other day while I was talking to Kip on the phone
and told him I’d met you, he almost had a heart attack. I didn’t know it, but he
mounted a bunch of posters in the barn and you’re on one of them.”
Walker scoffed. “The barn’s where those posters belong.”
She sucked in her breath. “Is it true what I heard about your best friend?”
He looked away. “Afraid so. While he was in the box, his horse reared for some
reason. It threw his head against the bar, and he suffered a fatal concussion.”
A shudder rocked her body. “That’s horrible. What was his name?”
“Troy Pearsoll. It happened at the Cody Roundup.”
A long silence ensued before she said, “How long ago did he die?”
“It’s been six years.”
She swallowed hard. “Is that why you became a Marine?”
“If that’s what my father told you, he’s wrong.”
His withering delivery stopped her cold. So did his news about getting back into
competition. According to Kip, the steers used on the national pro circuit raised
the bar of danger to another level altogether.
Wishing she hadn’t asked so many questions, she averted her eyes and went around to
stash the stroller and other things in the trunk. “If you wouldn’t mind putting
Clay in the car seat, I need to get home and back to work.”
“Did you hear that?” He spoke to Clay as he fastened him inside. “Your mommy says
you have to leave. Be a good boy for her, sport.” With another kiss to Clay’s
temple, he shut the door.
“Walker,” she called out at the last second, “if I’d known we would happen to see
each other here, I would have brought your jade piece with me.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
She wished she didn’t. She wished she could erase him from her consciousness, but
was finding it impossible. Now to learn he was getting back to a dangerous sport

that had killed his best friend, her concern for him had just been raised another

[Dalyia]

dozen notches. At this point he was going to need more than luck.
“All you have to do is come by the apartment on your way to or from therapy one of
these days. Give me a call first and I’ll leave the jade out on top of the milk box
for you.”
His expression remained inscrutable before he gave her a nod that meant he’d heard
what she’d said, but he made no verbal commitment. Leaving her at a loss, he strode
around the house until he was out of sight. No doubt he’d come to visit his
parents.
Paula started her car and drove out to the main road leading to the Cottonwood
Ranch entrance. By the time she passed beneath the antler arch, she had to accept
the fact that she’d come down with a bad case of what she could only describe as
pervasive walkeritis. There didn’t appear to be any known cure.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is come by the apartment on your way to or from therapy.
Was that code to mean Paula wanted to see him again?
His lips thinned. Hell no. Not if she planned to leave his gift on the milk box!
Once a widow, always a widow. If that was the message she’d intended to send him,
he’d received it in spades!
In a foul mood, Walker hurried inside to find his mother. She’d begged him to give
her his packet of pictures from Iraq for a scrapbook she was making. While he was
here, he decided to get the boxes from his room that held his college books and
papers.
Little did he realize that in coming here, he’d see Paula again. It sent every
thought out of his head but one. He’d been trying to stay away from her, but they
just kept bumping into each other. Got any strategies for that, Dr. Bader?
After a short chat with his mother, who showed him Paula’s drawings for her bulb
gardens, he hunted down the two boxes he needed and loaded them in the backseat of
the truck. With that accomplished, he left to join his brothers.
Paula filled his thoughts as he maneuvered the truck past the round and square
pens. Morning or night, she was a knockout. Everything about her appealed to him.
Why was he hung up on her when he knew he was poison to her? He needed his brain
rewired.
His teeth grated all the way to the open-air arena where he climbed out of the cab.
In the distance he spotted a bunch of hands assembled while Dex and Dusty, mounted
on their horses, were waiting for a steer to leap out of one of the chutes.
Of the two, Dusty had always had the most talent in the team roping and was the
header, but Dex, the heeler, displayed beauty of motion on a horse.
Walker watched in anticipation, waiting for the steer to be released, but the
second it leaped out of the chute he could see its hind legs wouldn’t hop.
Dusty rode out on a big bay. He stayed to the left of the steer and threw a
graceful loop around the horns, but Dex reined in his chestnut, not bothering to
tie up the feet. “That’s the second dragger in this new bunch,” he muttered in
disgust, resettling his cowboy hat in frustration. “Dad’s not going to be happy
about this latest shipment of steers.”

“Better tell him today,” Dusty said before he saw Walker leap over the barrier and

approach them in a few swift strides. “I don’t believe it!” he cried.
By now Dex had seen him and broke into a broad smile. “Hey, bro.” The twins
dismounted and met him halfway while a couple of hands chased the steer out and
took care of their horses. “What in the heck? We didn’t expect to see you down here
until after we got home from Redding!”
He sucked in his breath, still feeling the aftereffects of Paula Olsen. “Didn’t
Jesse tell you I’m flying down with you? In the meantime I’ve decided to start
practicing for the Cody Roundup on the Fourth of July and thought I’d pick out the
right dogie this morning.”
They looked at each other, then tossed their hats in the air and let go with an
ear-piercing “Woo-eee!” Everyone on the ranch had to have heard it.
Walker couldn’t help but chuckle. Deep inside it touched him that they acted so
happy about it. “You won’t be whooping it up when you see what a disaster I’m going
to be. People will say twenty-eight’s too old for a bulldogger and boo me out of
the arena.”
“Just let ’em try.” Dusty’s fighting words meant something. He didn’t get his wild
reputation for nothing.
Dex nodded. “You can practice here or at the new arena every day. We’ll help you
whether we’re in or out of town.”
“You still want Boyd Summerhays to be your hazer?” Dusty asked. “You were always
his idol. Just say the word and I’ll arrange it today.”
The twins were amazing. His father had spoken the truth when he’d told Walker all
the support group he needed was right here in his own family.
“Your confidence in me is very gratifying. I’d love all the help you can give me.”
Dex picked up his hat and brushed it off. “Let’s take a look at the horses right
now. I have a seven-year-old in mind that’s fast on the takeoff and will handle
your weight.”
“You’re thinking Peaches?” Dusty asked as the three of them left the arena and
walked over to the barn. The familiar smell brought back a flood of memories so
powerful, Walker was staggered by them.
“Yup. He’s our sturdiest quarter horse.”
“I’ve gained five pounds and am still trying to put on the rest.”
“By the time July rolls around, you’ll be there,” Dex assured him. They walked past
several stalls. “Here he is.”
Walker moved inside and smoothed his hand down the animal’s back. He was impressed
that the dun-colored gelding didn’t act spooked by a stranger. A calm temperament
was everything in the ring.
“Peaches is fifteen hands. Just right for leaning out of the saddle.”
He could see that. “You want to be my new buddy?” he whispered to the horse while
he rubbed his soft nose. “It’s been six years for me. I’m going to need your help

now that I’m an old man.”

His brothers laughed. “That’ll be the day,” Dex said with genuine affection. “You
want Paco to saddle him up for you right now?”
“Thanks, but I’ll do the honors. Peaches and I need to get acquainted if we’re
going to do this thing right.”
Dusty studied him for a moment. “Your lucky saddle’s still waiting for you in the
tack room in its place of honor.”
Walker’s eyes smarted. Like old times, his brothers followed him on back. As he
reached for his bridle and saddle, emotions threatened to swallow him alive. When
he’d left the ranch to go into the Marines, he’d thought he was hanging up
everything for good, vowing it was the end for him.
But that’s what he got for thinking, because he needed a way to deal with a whole
host of problems and had a hunch bulldogging might just be his salvation. Walker
carried everything back to the stall. The weight felt familiar in his arms. He
inhaled the smell of the leather.
How many times had he saddled up his horses since he was a child? Thousands? Did
you ever really take the cowboy out of the boy? He’d thought he could.…
In a few minutes he led Peaches out of the barn by the reins and walked him to the
arena. After going on foot several times so the horse would get used to him, he
finally levered himself into the saddle. The action was as natural as it was
exhilarating. When he’d been in the hospital at the lowest ebb of his life,
debating whether he could face going home, he couldn’t have imagined this day.
Peaches seemed to accommodate him without problem. While he put the horse through
his paces, an audience had gathered without his knowledge. When they broke into
spontaneous applause, he lifted his head to see what was going on and noticed his
brothers with a half-dozen hands cheering him.
He galloped over to them. “You guys know how to make an old vet feel like he’s not
completely washed up.”
“You look good up there, Walker,” Big Ben shouted with a smile on his face.
The second in command at the ranch had been there a good twenty years. “Welcome
back.”
“Amen,” the twins echoed. Their blue eyes looked suspiciously bright.
The experience was a humbling one. “Thanks, everybody. It’s good to be home.” Like
the Grinch at Christmas, he could feel his heart growing. He sent Dusty a glance.
“If you want to ask Boyd to meet me here before we fly out, I’d like to talk to
him.”
“You’ve got it.”
“When you went in the Marines, he worked with other partners, but it was never the
same for him. Wait till he hears from Dusty. He’ll think he’s won the lottery
again!” Dex blurted.
Auburn-haired Boyd, three years younger, had been his hazer when he’d won the world
championship. He’d worked with him right up to the night Walker knew he had to get
away from his father or lose it.

“We’ll see.” Walker eyed his brothers. “I’ve interrupted your practice time long

enough. Remember you’re competing tonight so don’t break any legs out here this
morning,” he teased before heading to the barn. After removing the bridle and
saddle, he watered Peaches and curried him.
The twins knew their horseflesh. “You’re going to do fine.” He gave the quarter
horse a friendly pat and some oats before leaving. After lunch he’d load Peaches in
one of the horse trailers and drive to the rangeland beyond the wells. They’d get
better acquainted while they rode around the property. He did his best thinking on
the back of a horse.
There was just one problem. All roads seemed to lead to Paula Olsen. What in the

hell was he going to do about her?

[Dalyia]

Chapter Six
May 16
Sunday afternoon, Paula’s cell rang while she was helping Clay to feed himself
spaghetti. More got on the floor and the tray of his high chair than went in his
stomach.
She wiped her hands with a paper towel before answering her phone. Anyone else
could be calling, but not Walker. After Thursday she knew she wouldn’t be seeing
him unless it was because of another accidental meeting. Since the dog parade
they’d been the proverbial ships passing in the night, both bound for different
destinations—their courses set.
But she hadn’t counted on her life seeming bleak in a brand-new way.
Since Brent’s death she’d been functioning well enough because Clay gave her a
reason to get up in the morning. He was her whole life now. Yet thoughts of Walker
kept intruding, disturbing her equilibrium. It made no sense.
“Hello?”
“Paula?”
“Hi, Kip!”
“Are you still in Garland with your in-laws?”
“No. I came home last night.”
“That’s good. Have you heard the news?” he asked in a serious tone.
“What news? What are you talking about?”
He made a sound in his throat. “You need to check out the video posted on Rodeo
Pro.”
She got a suffocating feeling in her chest and gripped her phone tighter. “Why?”
“Walker Cody’s sister got hurt barrel racing last night.”
Paula lurched in her chair, thankful it wasn’t Walker, but was worried sick for his
sister and their family. “How serious was it?”
“I don’t know. There’s nothing on the regular news. I thought maybe you would know

since you’ve been seeing Walker.”

“I haven’t been seeing him the way you mean, Kip.”
“Sorry if I touched a nerve.” Her eyes closed for a moment because she knew she was
being supersensitive about Walker. “Are you by your computer?”
“No. I’m feeding Clay his lunch, but I’ll go in the other room.”
She rolled his high chair to the doorway between the kitchen and dining room so she
could keep an eye on him. After sitting down, she put on the speakerphone, then
typed in the Web address. Up popped the page with the video.
“Have you found it yet?”
“Yes. I’m starting it now.”
“Get ready for this, folks. Elly Cody from Markton, Wyoming, her dad, J.W., and
brothers, all of them here, even the legendary Walker Cody, back from the Marines
after being gone the last few years. Every one of them is a champion in every arena
they’ve ever nodded their head in.
“Elly has started hot and needs to keep going now around the third barrel. That’s
the fastest time of the barrel racers. Woo-eee! Her star just keeps ris— Uh-oh.
Something’s gone wrong. She’s off her horse. She—”
The video ended too soon.
Paula groaned. “The poor thing. I’m going to call the ranch and see if I can reach
Anne.” She had no idea where Walker might be and didn’t have his cell-phone number.
“Let me know what you find out.”
“I will. Thanks for telling me, Kip.”
“Sure.”
She looked up the Codys’ number from the client list she kept on her cell phone and
punched in the numbers.
On the second ring, someone picked up. “John Walker Cody residence.”
Paula recognized the housekeeper’s voice. “Hello, Barbara? This is Paula Olsen.”
“How are you, Mrs. Olsen?”
“I’m well, but I’m concerned about Elly Cody. I heard she’d been hurt at the rodeo
in Redding. Is she all right?”
“Just a minute. I’ll put one of her brothers on. Everyone’s here.”
Perspiration beaded her forehead before Walker’s deep voice came over the line.
“Paula?”
It was hard to swallow. “Walker? My brother just phoned me and told me about the
accident. I saw it on a video.” Her voice shook. “Is Elly—”
“She’s fine,” he broke in. “At first they thought she might have a spine injury, so
they took her out on a board with a neck brace. But it turned out she was only

stunned. There’s nothing broken. Only a scratch on her elbow. She’s here at the

house taking it easy. More than anything she’s just shaken up.”
“I’m thankful for that.”
“Me, too.”
“What went wrong?”
“For some reason the horse she was riding got disoriented by the light and ran into
a half-closed gate, knocking her out of the saddle. But she’s tough and plans to
compete next weekend in Hugo, Oklahoma, on her favorite horse.”
She bowed her head. “I’m so relieved.”
“We all are.”
“I’ve never met her, but your parents have talked about her. Please give her my
best wishes.”
“I will.” There was a distinct pause. “After her accident I decided I want my lucky
charm back. How about I treat you to a picnic tomorrow in exchange for it? For part
of the day anyway. That is if you can arrange some time off from work.”
A picnic? While all the warning bells were going off in her head she said, “That
sounds like a fair trade. Can we do it earlier rather than later in the day?”
“I’ll be by at nine for you and Clay.”
A FEW HOUSEKEEPING DUTIES and Walker was ready for his guests. On the way to
Paula’s apartment he stopped for more groceries and filled up the truck’s gas tank.
At five to nine he pulled in front of the fourplex and got out.
“Hi!” Paula called to him from the railing outside her apartment. She carried Clay
in her arms. “I’m almost ready.”
“There’s no hurry.” Her compassion had prompted her to phone the house yesterday
asking about Elly. In so doing she’d stepped over an imaginary line into his
territory.
Though his instincts had warned him against any more contact with a woman still in
love with her dead husband, he’d seized the moment anyway. Maybe a full dose of
Brent Olsen being with them today would provide the wake-up call Walker needed to
stay away for good.
“While I gather up the rest of the things, would you mind getting in my Toyota and
removing the car seat? You’ll have to take out the base, too.” She used the remote
on her keys to open the doors.
Walker nodded and glanced at the car seat. If he could wire munitions to blow up
buildings and bridges, he ought to be able to handle a little kid’s car seat, but
this was going to be a first.
He had little problem extricating the car seat, but fitting the base into the
backseat of his truck proved to be a challenge. After four tries, he figured it
out. Just in time, too.
“Look, Clay. We’re going to go for a ride in this great big truck. You love

trucks.”

[Dalyia]

Walker turned around in time to stare into eyes the color of blue pansies. In white
cargo pants and a flowered top of apricot-and-white, she looked like a delicious
summer treat. He tore his eyes from hers to look at Clay, who was busy playing with
a toy car.
His eyes were a couple of shades lighter than his mother’s. He was a good-looking
mixture of both parents. She’d dressed him in denim shorts and a shirt with a
cowboy logo. On his feet were the tiniest cowboy boots he’d ever seen. The sight
made him chuckle. “I didn’t know they came this small.”
Her gentle laugh appealed to him. “My parents bought them. Dad can’t wait until
Clay can tromp around the ranch with him.”
Unable to resist, Walker played with one of the toes to get Clay’s attention. He
swung his blond head around. When he saw who it was, he dropped the toy to reach
for him.
“Hey, sport.” He pulled him into his arms to hug him for a moment. Clay’s eagerness
to be with him caught him by surprise and warmed his heart. After he’d strapped him
in the car seat, he told Paula he’d bring down the things she needed.
“If you’ll carry the fold-up playpen and swing, I’ll get everything else. I know
it’s a lot of paraphernalia, but it’ll be a blessing, believe me.”
Laughing, he took the stairs two at a time and brought down the items in question.
She moved past him to get the bags and lock the door. Soon they had everything
stowed in the back and could take off.
In the quiet that followed, she looked over her shoulder at Clay. “This is a whole
new experience for you, isn’t it, sweetheart?”
“Is he always this good?”
“Generally speaking, yes, but you probably wouldn’t believe it after the past two
times we’ve been together. His is a sweet nature. In many ways he’s like Brent.”
Bingo.
There was nothing sweet about Walker. He grimaced. “Paula, there’s something I need
to tell you. In fact I should have brought it up before we left the apartment.”
“What is it?”
“Sometimes I get flashbacks. If I’m around people when it happens, it’s hard for me
and I might act strange. It can be frightening because it comes out of the blue.”
“You mean like the one you had that day at the dog parade?”
Her perception astonished him. “Yes.”
“I didn’t know it until just this minute. Now it makes sense that you thrust Clay
in my arms and fled without a backward glance.”
“I was afraid he would get injured if I didn’t act immediately. Unfortunately the
situation transported me back to Iraq. For a few minutes I got disoriented, just
like the horse Elly was riding.”
“No one would have known it. What you did was a brave act.” Her voice throbbed. She

glanced at him. “Do you get them often?”

“I had three in the hospital.”
“Hospital? How badly were you injured?”
“I took a hit to my hip and the right side of my chest from an exploding IED. I was
at Bethesda Naval Hospital for two months getting patched up. Since I’ve been back
at the ranch, I’ve had two episodes—the one at the dog parade, and one the other
night during the thunderstorm. But there’ll be more. If you’d rather not be with
me, I’ll understand and take you home.”
“I’m not frightened, Walker. Brent wouldn’t talk to me about the war and what it
did to him. With you, I feel like I’m finally getting a glimpse into what it means
to be a soldier. He kept trying to shield me, but the more he refused to share it
with me, the more I felt shut out.
“If you want to know the truth, there were times I was so angry after I’d gotten an
e-mail from him that didn’t tell me anything, I thought I’d explode. Because of it,
I’m afraid some of my e-mails back didn’t give him the comfort he needed.”
She buried her face in her hands. “I’ve suffered a lot of guilt for not being the
kind of wife he needed. Isn’t that awful? When he died, it was too late to
apologize to him.”
He heard her grief and looked over at her. “If I’d left a wife and child like you
and Cody at home, I probably wouldn’t have shared that much with you, either.”
Paula lifted her head, blinking back the tears. “I would rather have known the
truth than be left thinking up horror stories that still percolate in my
imagination.”
“I’m afraid when Sherman said ‘War is hell,’ he didn’t realize he was speaking for
the spouses at home, too.”
“If that’s supposed to make me feel better, it doesn’t.” But she said it with a wry
smile.
“Now that we have that settled, I’m surprised you haven’t told me to turn the truck
around.”
“Only if you want to.”
No. He didn’t want to. He wanted her company. She was no fragile creature. He liked
that. Not everyone possessed her gut-deep honesty, a trait that appealed to him
more than a little bit.
THE MEADOW SURROUNDING the cabin was an explosion of scarlet red from all the
wildflowers. With the mountain up close and knifing into the rarified atmosphere,
Paula couldn’t contain her ecstasy. She turned around, trying to take it all in.
“What a stunning spot! I’d live up here every second if I could.” It was the
closest place to heaven she’d ever seen.
Walker had started unloading the truck. “My first memories of life began up here.
This was my fort, my cave, my secret island. I was the king of my castle, lord of
all I surveyed.”
And now it was his refuge. But instead of saying the words, she pulled Clay from
his car seat, nuzzling his neck to get out her emotions. “As soon as we go inside,

I’ll fix you a snack.” Grabbing the baby bag, she headed for the charming cabin

with spruce trees growing in the front yard.
Her host was there ahead of her to open the door. It opened into the kitchen with a
big picture window on the right. With red print curtains and red linoleum to bring
life to the honey-colored logs, it looked the way a small mountain cabin should
look—cozy and inviting.
She put the bag on the picnic-table bench, then walked through to the living room.
The fireplace was on the other side of the kitchen wall. Another picture window
looked out on a different section of the meadow with blue flowers. There was a
well-worn red print couch and two matching chairs on either side of it.
To the left, a staircase rose to the loft. Lots of family memorabilia covered the
log wall. She couldn’t wait to examine the photos. In the right corner a Dutch door
led to a covered porch. Paula loved everything about the cabin, inside and out.
“Would you like me to set up the playpen in here or one of the bedrooms?”
She turned to him. “Since I’ll only put him in it to sleep, maybe the bedroom would
be best where it will be a little darker.”
“What about the swing?”
“It makes a great high chair. I’ll feed him in the kitchen, then we can take it
anywhere. Come on, sweetie. I know you’re hungry.”
After setting it up, she lowered Clay into it and fastened the restraint. “There.”
She tied the bib around his neck. “Now what do you think?” She opened up the bag
and pulled out his food. He jabbered away, eager for anything that tasted good.
Walker joined her on the bench as she was feeding Clay some cottage cheese. “What
do you think he’s saying?”
“Oh, lots of things. He loves the cabin and can’t wait to climb up the stairs and
pull down all those pictures, and then he wants to play with the knobs on those
kitchen drawers.”
Laughter broke out of Walker, the deep rich male kind she felt to her toes. What a
wonderful sound when she thought he’d lost the capacity to laugh that way.
Like a little kid who couldn’t contain his curiosity, he opened one of the plastic
containers she’d brought. “Vienna sausages. I haven’t had one of these in years.”
“Take as many as you want. He’ll only eat one or two.”
To her delight, Walker ate three with obvious relish.
“Go ahead and feed him one.”
He darted her a worried glance. “Will he take it from me?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
When Walker lowered the sausage to his lips, Clay studied him for a moment and then
opened his mouth and bit off the end so decisively, they both chuckled. When he’d
swallowed that portion, he opened his mouth again. This time Walker pushed the
sausage in farther, but it wouldn’t go all the way.

“Kind of looks like Winston Churchill with his cigar, don’t you think?” Paula

quipped. By now Walker’s shoulders were shaking with silent laughter. She pulled
the little bit out. Clay took it from her fingers and stuffed it in his mouth. In
another minute, all had been consumed.
“You see?” She turned her head to smile at Walker. “Feeding him is a piece of cake.
You worried for nothing.” His eyes, full of green flecks, smiled back. “Try giving
him a banana.” She’d pulled one out of the bag.
Walker reached for it and peeled it partway down. He leaned over. “You want some of
this?” But when he put it near his mouth, Clay made another sound and brought his
hand up to grab for it. In a lightning move he broke off the exposed part and
shoved it in his mouth. This time Paula thought Walker would fall off the bench
with laughter.
“This kid’s tough.”
“They’re certainly not as fragile as they seem.” Soon Walker had denuded the rest
of the banana and was feeding Clay piece by piece. They were making excellent
progress together. When he refused the last bite, Walker popped it in his own
mouth.
“Looks like I’m going to have to wipe him down.” Aware of Walker’s gaze, she pulled
some wipes out of the baby bag to clean off Clay’s fingers and remove his bib. To
keep her son busy, she handed him two of his favorite trucks.
While he was preoccupied, she reached inside the bag for the jade piece and put it
on the table next to Walker. No way would she do the honors again.
His gaze fell to the charm. She held her breath until he’d fastened it around his
neck. Relieved the moment had passed, she turned the dial that started the swing
moving. “Now that Clay is enjoying himself, I meant to ask if you ever got started
on your art therapy.” When he’d invited her up here, he’d had an agenda and it
wasn’t to play house with her.
“There’s plenty of time to talk about that. Why don’t we take a walk outside first?
There’s a family of squirrels who live in the trees out in front.”
Action. That’s what she needed. Plenty of action and space. The kitchen suddenly
seemed too small with both of them in it.
“Clay will love it!” She bent over the swing to undo the restraint and pull him out
so he could walk.
Walker opened the door. “Come on, little guy.” He grasped Clay’s hand and paced
himself to stay with him. Her son went right to him. She followed and closed the
door before taking Clay’s other hand.
It was like stepping into a carpet of flowers, reminding her of Dorothy in The
Wizard of Oz, walking through the field of poppies set against an impossibly blue
sky. There must have been some rain up here last night. Everything smelled so
fresh. She detected an intoxicating scent in the air from the flowers.
For a little while Paula felt more alive than she’d been since before Brent had
been deployed to Afghanistan.
While she was engrossed, Walker picked up Clay and moved a little closer to one of
the trees where a couple of squirrels were running along the branches. Every so
often they stopped and chattered. The fascinating sight held the three of them

mesmerized. It wasn’t just the animals enjoying their life undisturbed in this

[Dalyia]

paradise. It was as if every element of nature had aligned in perfect harmony. She
found it all so beautiful, it hurt.
Walker looked over at her. Their eyes met in an unsmiling glance that quickened her
body because she knew he was feeling the magic of this moment, too. Paula was
afraid to breathe for fear of disturbing the tranquility enveloping them. For a few
minutes there was no war anywhere, no tragedy, no sorrow, only a precious window
out of time they were privileged to share.
Suddenly the sound of a truck coming up the dirt road shattered the quiet. She
hadn’t seen it yet, but the squirrels didn’t like the intrusion. They screeched and
vanished into the highest branches of the tree. Clay squirmed in Walker’s arms to
see what was coming.
“Stay here.” He handed Clay to her. “I’ll see who it is,” he muttered with a
hardened jaw. In an instant he’d turned into the forbidding stranger she’d tried to
talk to outside the movie theater in Cody.
He strode down the slope. She felt sorry for the person who’d decided to pay him an
unexpected visit. From her own experience she’d learned you didn’t approach Walker
unless he wanted it. More fallout from the war, or had he always been an intensely
private person?
Paula lowered Clay to the ground so he could walk around. She stayed with him while
he stopped here and there to touch the flowers. Once or twice he rubbed his eyes,
an indication he was getting ready for his nap.
Before long she spied a propane truck come up over the rise and drive around the
back of the cabin. Then she saw Walker heading toward her. With every step that
brought him closer, her heart thumped a little harder.
“Jesse didn’t want me to run out of propane so he sent for the truck. It won’t take
them long.”
“That was thoughtful of him.”
“He takes care of everybody. One day he’ll inherit the ranch. Though he’s known for
his bull riding, no one will ever run the place better.”
That was high praise coming from Walker. She heard real affection there. “While I
was watching the video, the announcer said all the Codys were champions. I doubt
there’s another family like yours anywhere.”
His expression closed up. “Not unless they have a father like mine.”
After his comment about the monument J.W. had erected, she’d known he had issues
with his father. This last statement just confirmed it.
“No, no, Clay!” She’d been so deep in thought, she hadn’t realized her son was
ready to put one of the paintbrush stalks in his mouth. “They might look good
enough to eat, but they’ll make you sick.” Paula tossed the plant away before
plucking him from the ground. “It’s time for a little nap. Come on. Let’s go in.”
“What can I do to help?” Walker asked, after showing her the bedroom where he’d set
up the playpen.
“If you’ll bring in the baby bag, everything I need is in it.”

“One baby bag coming up.”

She laid Clay down on the double bed and took off his boots and socks. When Walker
came back in, she reached inside the bag for the little plastic mat she used to
change him. Once she’d pulled off his shorts, she whipped out a new diaper and put
it under him before removing the old one. Walker watched in fascination as she
fastened him up and put the used diaper in a Ziploc bag.
“There you go, sweetie.” She pulled up his shorts before carrying him over to the
playpen. He started to cry until she handed him his favorite blue blanket and a
bottle she’d already filled with milk. “Time to go to sleep.” He went quietly,
looking up at the two of them while he made noisy sounds drinking his bottle.
Walker chuckled. “Listen to him guzzle that.”
“He’s hilarious.”
“He’s one lucky boy to have a mother like you.”
Her face went warm. “Thank you, but he makes it easy.”
As they tiptoed out of the room, she heard the truck start up and drive away from
the cabin. Paula headed for the kitchen to wash her hands. Walker wasn’t far
behind.
“How do sloppy joes sound to you for lunch?”
“I love them.”
“Good. I bought some corn on the cob, too.”
“I don’t suppose either item was included in your K rations.”
He pulled the corn from a bag he’d brought in. “Not exactly. If you don’t mind
doing the shucking, I’ll get the ground beef started.”
They made desultory conversation while they put their meal together. It was a novel
experience for Paula to be working alongside a man in the kitchen again. Within
twenty minutes they sat down to one of the best meals she’d ever eaten. Of course
the company had everything to do with her enjoyment.
Glad to see he had an appetite, she realized the gaunt look had disappeared from
his face and he’d started to pick up a tan. She thought he’d even put on weight.
All that was good, except that he looked tired. After Brent had been deployed,
she’d read the literature on PTSD. Returning vets had trouble getting enough sleep.
That plus the scare over his sister was causing his eyelids to droop.
When they’d done the dishes, she turned to him. “That meadow out the window is
calling to me. Would you mind very much if I started a painting? Maybe you could
take a little nap like Clay.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?” His question told her he liked the idea.
“Not at all. The scarlet of the paintbrush looks like flame. I’d like to capture it
with the sun at this angle. It’s been a long time since I was inspired.” It was
true. “Let’s both take advantage of the quiet before my son wakes up.”
“Maybe I’ll lie down on the couch for a few minutes.”

Five hours later Paula’s mouth broke into a secret smile when she entered the cabin

with Clay after their long walk and saw that Walker was still out for the count. He
lay on his stomach with one arm dangling to the floor. His tall, lean body took up
the couch from end to end.
He’d removed his cowboy boots. The comparison between them and Clay’s tiny ones was
amusing to say the least.
For Walker to be sacked out all afternoon meant he’d let go of that nervous energy
for a while and could relax. To see him get this much relief from stress brightened
her day in a way she couldn’t put into words.
It was dinnertime. She didn’t want to wake him until she had to. Once Clay ate some
mac and cheese, she packed up the baby bag and art supplies and set them outside
the cabin door.
Next she quietly loaded the swing and playpen and took them out to the truck. Clay
walked along with her. On her return to the cabin she carried him in her arms. To
her surprise, she was met by a fierce-looking Walker who’d come into the kitchen in
his stocking feet.
He rubbed the back of his neck in what she perceived was abject frustration. “Why
did you let me sleep all day?” His attractive voice sounded an octave lower.
“Because you obviously needed it. Please don’t be upset. I’ve had one of the most
relaxing days in years. This place is so beautiful I filled my sketch pad with
drawings while Clay played by me.
“To be honest, ever since Brent left for Afghanistan, I haven’t been able to paint,
but being up here has unlocked something inside me. It was an unexpected gift. But
now that you’re up, I need to get Clay home. Do you mind?”
It was a lie, but she wasn’t above using her son as the excuse to get away from
Walker. Much more time spent here and she’d never want to leave. She heard him take
a deep breath. “Of course not. Have you had anything to eat since lunch?”
“I snacked on and off all afternoon.”
He didn’t look as if he believed her. “Give me a minute and I’ll meet you outside.”
No sooner had she taken the other things to the truck and installed Clay in the car
seat than Walker joined her in the cab. The tension he’d managed to let go of for
part of the day seemed to be back in full force.
By the time they reached her apartment, she was glad to be home in the safety of
familiar surroundings. While he brought her things in from the truck, she gave Clay
a quick bath.
Once he was dressed in his jammies, she walked out to the living room with him.
“Clay’s ready for bed. Say nite-nite to Walker.”
To her surprise, Clay leaped at the chance to be back in Walker’s strong arms. He
kissed his face the way he did with her. Then his hands found the chain and pulled
the jade piece out of the neck of his T-shirt to bite it.
“No-no, sweetie. This isn’t yours.” She had to physically remove his fingers before
he tugged too hard and broke the chain. Half laughing up at Walker, she said, “Now
you know why I don’t wear jewelry.”

Paula had only recently removed her wedding rings and put them away. She planned to

[Dalyia]

give them to Clay one day when he’d met the right girl, but that was years and
years away yet.
Walker smiled. “Lead the way to the bedroom and I’ll put him in bed.”
“Let me get his bottle first.”
To keep Brent alive in Clay’s heart, she’d put different photos of his daddy around
the nursery. Some pictured her with him. Others included the three of them. She saw
Walker study each of them before he put Clay down and covered him with his blue
blanket. She handed him his bottle. He played with it for a minute, then started to
drink.
Paula left the room ahead of Walker and discovered a drawing pad with a set of
pastels sitting on the coffee table. His, of course. Full of curiosity she reached
for the pad and turned back the cover.
There were two pages with swirls of color. Mostly dark.
“What do you think?” came his deep voice.
“When did you do these?”
“A few days ago.”
“What I think doesn’t matter, Walker. I took a series of art classes in college.
One of them covered the possible avenues to use an art degree. There was a section
on art therapy. I actually considered it for a time, but I had a professor who
talked me into going into landscape architecture. He said a lot of people needed
help, but a lot of landscapes needed help, too.”
That brought a quick white smile to Walker’s lips. “He was right about that. As I
told you before, the main ranch house would have been a disaster without the right
surroundings.”
Actually the Codys’ new home was gorgeous—modern, yet its interior was all Western
and decorated in superb taste. She suspected that Walker’s dislike of it had more
to do with his personal hang-ups.
She studied his drawing again. “I take it you’re not thrilled about getting your
emotions out through art.”
“I wouldn’t know how to begin.”
“You got a good start here.”
“I’m supposed to draw when I feel upset or restless.”
“So far you’ve said quite a bit. Black with purple on one spectrum, yellow on the
other. Hell and illumination. Two polar opposites. When you go back to the cabin
tonight, suppose you do another drawing that expresses how you felt while you were
in the hospital recovering from that IED.
“But before you leave, I’m going to give you my set of pastels. Just a minute and
I’ll get them.” She came back from the dining room with her case. “The pack of
eight he started you out with doesn’t offer you the range of colors you need. He
probably didn’t want to overwhelm you on your first visit.

“Remember your emotions are as varied as the colors. There are seventy-five colors

in my case. If you see the right one, it could put you in touch with how you were
feeling. Then you just start scribbling like mad, the way you did as a child who
draws from emotion. You may find yourself scribbling on many pages.”
His eyes searched hers. “How did you get to be so wise?”
She let out a mirthless laugh. “You’ve asked the wrong person. I’m not dealing with
my loss very well. Except for this afternoon, I haven’t been able to put anything
on paper except for my clients. You at least produced a glimpse of your inner self
for the doctor. That took incredible courage. Looking inward is a frightening
experience, one I haven’t found the guts to try yet.”
Walker wore a solemn expression as he gathered up his things. “My next grouptherapy
session is next Tuesday at seven. We’re encouraged to bring family members
and friends. If you’d like to come with me, it will give you a chance to talk to
other vets and possibly get answers as to why Brent held back from you.
“My thinking is, you’ll find he wasn’t the only husband who couldn’t open up.
Hopefully with more understanding, it will help rid you of some of your guilt for
being angry with him. Think about it. I’ll give you a call when I’m ready to leave

for Powell. If you decide to come, I’ll swing by for you.”

[Dalyia]

Chapter Seven
May 25
Walker surveyed the assembled group of vets from the doorway of the conference
room. Dr. Bader nodded to him. “It looks like you’ve brought someone with you. Come
on in and find a seat in the circle.”
Cupping Paula’s elbow, he ushered her over to some empty chairs next to Stan, who’d
told him about the Tang. Every guy followed her progress with varying reactions
that ranged from blatant male interest to disinterest, to vague hostility over a
woman’s presence. There were eight in the room, including Dr. Bader.
“As all of you know, you’re welcome to bring anyone you like to these sessions.
Walker Cody is the most recent addition to our group. Please introduce your guest.”
“This is Paula Olsen. Her husband was killed in an explosion in Afghanistan
eighteen months ago. She has a two-year-old son and is still dealing with issues
that haven’t been resolved. I told her she could address them here.”
“Welcome, Mrs. Olsen. What we do here is totally informal. Anyone who has something
to say can start.”
As several minutes passed without anyone taking the initiative, Walker felt as if
he was at a poker game. Everyone was at a different intensity level and wore a
different face, but nobody was prepared to show his hand.
To his surprise, Paula went first. “It’s pretty obvious my being here has stifled
you gentlemen. It doesn’t intimidate me, but it does make me realize men have
difficulty opening up in front of a woman. Even though I was Brent’s wife, he
wouldn’t share his war experiences with me while he was deployed. I got angry about
that.”
“Why?” One of the men spoke up in a surly tone. “You really wanted to know what he
was doing out there in that hellhole day and night? You wanted him to tell you he’d
just picked his buddy’s brains off his jacket because he hadn’t seen the ambush

coming and it was his fault?”

“Yes,” she said without flinching. “I would have preferred that to the not
knowing.”
He shook his head. “Your naïveté is pathetic.”
Walker’s hand automatically tightened into a fist.
“He went to war to protect me and Clay.”
“Was he in the Reserves?”
“Yes.”
“Then he never thought he’d serve time. No doubt he wanted a way to pay for his
schooling and ended up being Uncle Sam’s pawn before he was sent home in a body
bag.”
Her chin went up. “Whatever the reason that sends a man to war, the least I could
do was listen to him if he wanted to tell me he was afraid so I could tell him I
was afraid, too, and we’d get through it together. It hurt me to be deprived of
that aspect of his life. In my anger, our communication suffered. I’ve been filled
with guilt ever since. Can you understand that?”
“Hell no—”
“Speak for yourself!” another man interjected. “I’d have given anything if my wife
had wanted to listen, but she didn’t. When I got home, she wanted life to get back
to the way it was before I left. It was like the three years I was gone had meant
nothing to her. We split up and she took the kids.”
“Sounds like your marriage wasn’t in that great a shape before you left.” This from
a man sitting on the other side of Walker. “Mine wasn’t, either. We’re still
separated. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“I’ve been back five months,” said the guy on Dr. Bader’s right. “My wife and I are
doing a little better, but she still can’t sleep with me because I need noise.”
“Get some headphones and listen to your iPod.” Someone else threw out the
suggestion.
“I tried that, but she feels shut out when I do that, so I stay in the living room
on the couch and fall asleep watching TV. Then she just walks around with this hurt
look in her eyes until I can’t take it.”
“Do you still get flashbacks?” Paula asked him.
“Yes.”
“Do you think you might be using noise as an excuse to stay away from your wife in
case you get one and you’re afraid you might hurt her by accident?”
The room went quiet as a tomb as every guy in there stared at her.
“Now there’s a thought worth investigating, Jack.” Dr. Bader remarked. “Have you
talked to her about them?”

“When I first got home I told her I had nightmares.”

“But a flashback is different from a nightmare because they can happen anytime,”
Paula interjected. “Walker had one the day we met at a dog parade. After he
prevented my son from getting bitten, he thought he was back in Iraq trying to save
a child from a bomb about to go off.
“He ran from me because he was afraid of accidentally hurting someone in the
process. Until he explained, I didn’t understand, but I was never afraid of him.
Your wife won’t be afraid, either.
“Walker telling me what was driving him at that moment allowed me to share a little
of the war with him. You can’t imagine the difference that has made to me. It
wouldn’t occur to me not to feel safe with him.”
Walker didn’t know that. Her admission relieved him of a fear he’d been holding in.
“Why don’t you tell your wife the truth?” Paula continued. “Sleep with her tonight
without your iPod. I bet she’ll be so relieved to know the real reason you want
noise, she’ll do anything to help you. I promise her hurt look will go away if you
give her half a chance. Women can be tough, too.”
The other man studied her for a minute. “I’ll think about it.”
“A couple of black eyes or a jab to the jaw will really endear you to her,” said
the most belligerent member of the group.
Paula sat forward. “She’ll prefer that to being treated like a piece of crystal
that only sits on a shelf to be admired. After Brent went to war and he stopped
sharing, I was afraid he saw me as someone weak and diminished in his eyes. It
knocked the underpinning out from under me when all along I thought we’d had a
solid marriage.”
In the short time Walker had known her, he’d thought he’d understood, but it took
tonight’s discussion to recognize the difference between intellectual and emotional
understanding of her pain.
She turned her head to the man who needed help. “Naturally she couldn’t share
combat with you, but if you’ll allow her to get inside your psyche, she’ll feel
more a part of your experience. My husband robbed me of that. I’m afraid I lost a
lot of confidence and then took it out on him without meaning to.” Her voice
trembled.
Dr. Bader nodded. “Mrs. Olsen has given you guys a lot to think about.”
“What if I have flashbacks for the rest of my life?” The man sounded anguished.
“What if you do?” she fired back. “Some people live with lifelong illnesses, but
they and those they love deal with them.”
“You know what I think?” the angry one cried out. “You’re another shrink planted in
here talking bullshit!”
Walker shot to his feet. “In case you’ve forgotten, this isn’t the battlefield. You
need to watch your mouth, soldier!” He checked his watch. There were fifteen
minutes remaining, but he refused to subject Paula to any more. “Let’s go,” he
muttered and clasped her hand.
She got up, ready to follow him out the door. Dr. Bader sent him a speaking glance

as if to say they’d talk tomorrow at his next appointment.